Thoughts.

How do you know if you are really in love, or just playing around?

Honestly, I have no idea. Being the fearless bitch that I am always, I broke up with her, and went along with her sister.  And now I am end up with a torrent of whines that I think I should make a script out of it and send it to some Korean movie producers and make a movie or a drama out of it. And, oh, Korean producers, if you really want to make a movie out of my story, I want G-Dragon from BIGBANG to be me, alright?

Jokes over, since I am a bit sure that one of them does not even bother to read this wonderfully crafted blog of mine, it would be just splendid for me to write what's on my mind here instead of writing it on Facebook and asking for people's sympathy to like the posts. It's kinda annoying for me to post it on Facebook, because I can't write as much as I want, and I can't put pictures and videos in one post. Life is complicated for me, just because I want it to be that way.

Life is complicated just because you want it to be that way.

I am known by many to think too much at times. Sometimes I create stories or events in my head, that will never happen. That's me. It can be kinda annoying at times, so I am actually annoyed with myself. Scumbag brain.

Here comes the best part. Grab some popcorn, a can of soda, because it may be a long post.

Brace yourselves, people.

I am a fearless bastard.  But now I am in deep shit. Why? I cheated on my ex-girlfriend for the fact that she was cheating on me too. I am not the type who would easily cheat, but once the going gets tough, the tough gets going. 

I go with the rule, and I choose her instead of you. You asked me to love her, and let you go. I'm trying my best right now. We broke up with good terms, meaning that we agreed that she goes back to her boyfriend, and I try to be faithful to her.  But why are you mad when we chat on Facebook and video chatting using FaceTime on iPad? Didn't you say that you wanted happiness for your little sister? You told me not to break her heart, not to hurt her. I'm trying my best to do it, because I respect you and I do love her. Don't you feel happy when you see your little sister whom you love so much, feeling happy as she is, laughing away happily with the one she loves?

She loves you as your sister. Don't think that she doesn't love you because you felt that she don't care about your feelings. Seriously, I have no rights to give comments on your relationship with your sister, but I am already dragged in, so yeah, I have to intervene. At the end of the day, I don't want to take the blame for everything, and if I don't intervene, both of your scumbag brains will create a situation that never happened, and you quarrel, and you hate each other. Seriously?

Look, here's the deal. We all be happy, can we? We're supposed to be happy.  

Mag, I promise that whatever happens between us, we still love each other as much as we do, always. Don't ever let me go. I never knew what I wanted till' I looked into your eyes.  I love you.

<3

If You Ever Come Back

A month has passed, and unfortunately, it is exactly a month of being in a relationship, that we said goodbye to each other. Things just go out of hand, and my friend had warned me, "You have only one mind and one heart. You can't lead a double life, because in the end, you'll hurt both.". I never bothered to listen, and my ego is off the charts, in another words, I am really ego and self-centred. 

I wish I can turn back time. But even wishing is a waste of time, if I don't cross your mind anymore.

Do you remember the moments when we stayed up late at weekends, just couldn't sleep because none of us wanted to leave each other behind? The moments when you keep calling me when I was depressed? The first Christmas we spent together? The moments when we talked about the world when we video chat using iPad? The late-night texts we send to each other? The moment when you hold my hand really tight when we step on the escalator? The moment when I was speechless?

The fights and arguments we had? The moment when both of us say things that are so hurtful? The moments when you being honest that it hurt me?

And if you're out there, trying to move on, but something pulls you back again, I'm always here trying to persuade you, like you're still mine. Now they say I'm wasting my time, because you're never coming back, but they used to say the world was flat, and how wrong was that now? What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss, I know you're out there somewhere so just remember this,

I will always be waiting if you ever come back. I'll will be waiting with a smile, and it will be just like you were never gone, Louisa.

I'm sorry..

I'm sorry that it has to end this way. I never knew that I cried so hard. All this while, I can't cry, because my heart was as heart as stone. But you had soften it, and made it into a heart that can feel joy and sadness again..

I love you Louisa, and I am really sorry....

Please do drop by a comment, text or call me...

Stories of Life

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2011

2011 is over soon. I felt like it passed by so fast. It felt like I didn't accomplish much this year, and I don't think I had any new year's resolutions. But I'm glad that 2011 is my last year in secondary education. I've done my SPM exam, and now it's a new world for me to explore.

I gotta say, 2011 holds a lot of good and bad memories. Form 5, SPM, a lot of relationships, holidays, and a lot more has shaped me into who I am today.

Most people would thank the people for a prosperous year, but only a few will thank God for giving us a year more to live.

I would like to take this opportunity to say goodbye to the bad memories, sorrow and pain of this year, and people who betrayed me, may karma hunt you down.

Happy New Year!

Questions.

Questions. 

We ask questions to get answers. 

Answers to our questions.

We ask questions to fuel our hunger and thirst for knowledge. 

To understand things we don't know.

To be "in the know".

Sometimes the questions asked can break one's heart, with a simple yes or no.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" "Yes."

"Will you be my girlfriend?" "No."

"Will you marry me?" "No."

"Can you wait for me?" Okay."

Sometimes, a question can be so innocent, but the answer is like stabbing a knife straight to the heart.

"You're just not my type."

"I'm sorry, but I have to focus on my studies first."

A question can break or mend a friendship, start something new, or the matter of life and death.

To be frank, the only thing that is on my mind right now are questions. Questions that can break our friendship, or questions that will start a relationship between us. There are so many barriers to be jumped over, but I may trip over and fall. And the fall may be the most painful and dreadful one.

Distance is always a problem for me. Some, miles away, yet some, hundred miles away.

To understand, is to feel. To feel, is to care. To care, is to love.

This and that is life.

Others may disagree, but when I love, I really love. Until the day the world stops spinning, is the day I will stop loving.

You may think that I have a hidden side, but what you see is what you get. We got time to improve, time can renew.

You may say that I am impatient, but a day felt like a week for me, waiting for you, each and every single day to say yes. I might give up along the way, waiting and waiting, but I'll try my best to really struggle, and wait for you.

Maybe I'm waiting for a star to fall, or the town to snow. Nonetheless, I'll continue loving you, just the way you are.

Please, do say yes. I do. Maybe I love you more than life. I'm sure.

Pressing the publish button is a torture, because I felt that this may be not enough to express myself. But I did it. It is published.

We Are The Champions

When I saw those men with nerves of steel, standing on top of the world, singing Negaraku, with the golden medal hanging on their necks, I know this would be the dawn of a new era for the nation's sports.

It's sad to say, for a guy, I don't actually like football. I just don't understand the game. 11 players, in jerseys of different colours, chasing a ball. I just couldn't understand why people are so into the game, that they would spend their time in front of the TV and coffee shops, just wasting their time. It's just not how I roll.

But the match was different. It's not just about football, it's more than that. It's about our pride and dignity, as the people of the country that we love, trying to reach the stars and beyond. It's our passion to be triumphant. Those players literally fought till the very end to win. They played their very best, for Malaysia. Not for any race, but for the country. When we cheer for them, we chant the name Malaysia instead of the race. This is the real spirit of unity that others failed to realize.

From the beginning of the match, I was already on Twitter, checking out the timeline for updates during the match. It was tense. Malaysians and Indonesians alike was having a verbal war amongst themselves, insulting each other. The 120-minute match was nerve-wrecking. Each passing minute ticks by, hoping for a miracle that Malaysia will pull it through this time. I was glued to my seat, with the remote control and the iPad on my hands. The team, referred as "Harimau Muda" or "Young Tigers", had a huge responsibilty to shoulder. A nation was hoping that they bring back the trophy that we thirst for since 1983.

The moves by these new breed of players were something to shout about. Being the first time joining such a huge event internationally, they had performed their best and had showed their opponent what are they made of.

Team Malaysia, you're the best!

Seriously?

Honestly I don't get it. Why do you have to unfriend and block me on Facebook just because I'm joking around with you? Are you Greyson Chance? Do you sing "Unfriend You"? Why can't you just chill out and take life as it is? Are you kidding me?

I don't understand. So there I was, webcaming "happily" with a "friend" of mine, till I joke about the body size. I know it's insulting, but heck, I look at the mirror every single day, and I know my size very well. When I say very well, I'm 80kg with a height of 174cm. It may be deragotary, but still, people joke around with my skin colour, and I seldom have any problem with it. Yes, I do get mad, especially when it's on Facebook, but still, I just insult them back or probably didn't give a fuck bout' it. And for your information, most of my family members are plus sizes, and we are cool with it.

And by the way, if you think I'm going to curse you or flame you here, well, you're so wrong. I have an image to keep, publicly and privately. I don't have any spare time to curse or whatsoever, because it's just meaningless. I'll look retarded and arrogant if I start cursing.

Here's a piece of advice, whether you even care or not, for the fact you hate me so much, chill out, take a break, have a Kit Kat. It'll help. Go for chunky. It'll satisfy the craving more.

The name's not important. The only thing important is, you read this. Do you know how annoying it is for me to be deleted and block, just for some petty reasons? You're not the only one. You might say that I'm an asshole, but, some people just couldn't tolerate others.

And for the record, this is the second time you did this. And I will not be begging for mercy and forgiveness from you. I'm tired, you know that? I'm tired when you do this all over again. The first time was my fault, I admit it. I was being too boring and keeps talking about "her" until the point that I was being annoying. Yes, I'm sorry about that, but this? This is just insane!

Everyone is so serious. What the eff is wrong with you people? Just a word spoken out, and all of you go bombard me. Fine, fine. If I talk, people will eventually hate me. If I don't talk, people ask me what's wrong. What is wrong with you people? What bloody thing do you want from me? My talents? My luck? My abilities? My weaknesses? Take it! If that makes you happy, do it, for all I care!

Why are you people so serious? Are you Sirius Black or something? Are you Severus Snape or Bella Swan who obviously don't know what fun is?

Do you know who is Spongebob? You know?

Good. He is the mascot of fun. Let me rephrase that. He is THE epitome of fun. He is THE Rafael Nadal of Fun. He is F.U.N itself. Spongebob defines F.U.N. So, just listen to "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO and do yourself some fun.

Seriously, I had enough of trying to please everyone. That is my weakness. I'll try to master the art of IDGAF (I don't give a f**k) so that I finally can breathe easy.

It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live. [Albus Dumbledore]