Dreams on a Ceramic Plate

Thoughts.

2012-01-21T19:29:00.000+08:00

How do you know if you are really in love, or just playing around?

Honestly, I have no idea. Being the fearless bitch that I am always, I broke up with her, and went along with her sister. And now I am end up with a torrent of whines that I think I should make a script out of it and send it to some Korean movie producers and make a movie or a drama out of it. And, oh, Korean producers, if you really want to make a movie out of my story, I want G-Dragon from BIGBANG to be me, alright?

Jokes over, since I am a bit sure that one of them does not even bother to read this wonderfully crafted blog of mine, it would be just splendid for me to write what's on my mind here instead of writing it on Facebook and asking for people's sympathy to like the posts. It's kinda annoying for me to post it on Facebook, because I can't write as much as I want, and I can't put pictures and videos in one post. Life is complicated for me, just because I want it to be that way.

Life is complicated just because you want it to be that way.

I am known by many to think too much at times. Sometimes I create stories or events in my head, that will never happen. That's me. It can be kinda annoying at times, so I am actually annoyed with myself. Scumbag brain.

Here comes the best part. Grab some popcorn, a can of soda, because it may be a long post.

Brace yourselves, people.

I am a fearless bastard. But now I am in deep shit. Why? I cheated on my ex-girlfriend for the fact that she was cheating on me too. I am not the type who would easily cheat, but once the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

I go with the rule, and I choose her instead of you. You asked me to love her, and let you go. I'm trying my best right now. We broke up with good terms, meaning that we agreed that she goes back to her boyfriend, and I try to be faithful to her. But why are you mad when we chat on Facebook and video chatting using FaceTime on iPad? Didn't you say that you wanted happiness for your little sister? You told me not to break her heart, not to hurt her. I'm trying my best to do it, because I respect you and I do love her. Don't you feel happy when you see your little sister whom you love so much, feeling happy as she is, laughing away happily with the one she loves?

She loves you as your sister. Don't think that she doesn't love you because you felt that she don't care about your feelings. Seriously, I have no rights to give comments on your relationship with your sister, but I am already dragged in, so yeah, I have to intervene. At the end of the day, I don't want to take the blame for everything, and if I don't intervene, both of your scumbag brains will create a situation that never happened, and you quarrel, and you hate each other. Seriously?

Look, here's the deal. We all be happy, can we? We're supposed to be happy.

Mag, I promise that whatever happens between us, we still love each other as much as we do, always. Don't ever let me go. I never knew what I wanted till' I looked into your eyes. I love you.

<3

If You Ever Come Back

2012-01-19T07:13:00.001+08:00

A month has passed, and unfortunately, it is exactly a month of being in a relationship, that we said goodbye to each other. Things just go out of hand, and my friend had warned me, "You have only one mind and one heart. You can't lead a double life, because in the end, you'll hurt both.". I never bothered to listen, and my ego is off the charts, in another words, I am really ego and self-centred.

I wish I can turn back time. But even wishing is a waste of time, if I don't cross your mind anymore.

Do you remember the moments when we stayed up late at weekends, just couldn't sleep because none of us wanted to leave each other behind? The moments when you keep calling me when I was depressed? The first Christmas we spent together? The moments when we talked about the world when we video chat using iPad? The late-night texts we send to each other? The moment when you hold my hand really tight when we step on the escalator? The moment when I was speechless?

The fights and arguments we had? The moment when both of us say things that are so hurtful? The moments when you being honest that it hurt me?

And if you're out there, trying to move on, but something pulls you back again, I'm always here trying to persuade you, like you're still mine. Now they say I'm wasting my time, because you're never coming back, but they used to say the world was flat, and how wrong was that now? What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss, I know you're out there somewhere so just remember this,

I will always be waiting if you ever come back. I'll will be waiting with a smile, and it will be just like you were never gone, Louisa.

I'm sorry..

I'm sorry that it has to end this way. I never knew that I cried so hard. All this while, I can't cry, because my heart was as heart as stone. But you had soften it, and made it into a heart that can feel joy and sadness again..

I love you Louisa, and I am really sorry....

Please do drop by a comment, text or call me...

Stories of Life

2012-01-17T13:32:00.000+08:00

Enter password to continue

2011

2011-12-31T11:40:00.000+08:00

2011 is over soon. I felt like it passed by so fast. It felt like I didn't accomplish much this year, and I don't think I had any new year's resolutions. But I'm glad that 2011 is my last year in secondary education. I've done my SPM exam, and now it's a new world for me to explore.

I gotta say, 2011 holds a lot of good and bad memories. Form 5, SPM, a lot of relationships, holidays, and a lot more has shaped me into who I am today.

Most people would thank the people for a prosperous year, but only a few will thank God for giving us a year more to live.

I would like to take this opportunity to say goodbye to the bad memories, sorrow and pain of this year, and people who betrayed me, may karma hunt you down.

Happy New Year!

Questions.

2011-12-16T00:55:00.000+08:00

Questions.

We ask questions to get answers.

Answers to our questions.

We ask questions to fuel our hunger and thirst for knowledge.

To understand things we don't know.

To be "in the know".

Sometimes the questions asked can break one's heart, with a simple yes or no.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" "Yes."

"Will you be my girlfriend?" "No."

"Will you marry me?" "No."

"Can you wait for me?" Okay."

Sometimes, a question can be so innocent, but the answer is like stabbing a knife straight to the heart.

"You're just not my type."

"I'm sorry, but I have to focus on my studies first."

A question can break or mend a friendship, start something new, or the matter of life and death.

To be frank, the only thing that is on my mind right now are questions. Questions that can break our friendship, or questions that will start a relationship between us. There are so many barriers to be jumped over, but I may trip over and fall. And the fall may be the most painful and dreadful one.

Distance is always a problem for me. Some, miles away, yet some, hundred miles away.

To understand, is to feel. To feel, is to care. To care, is to love.

This and that is life.

Others may disagree, but when I love, I really love. Until the day the world stops spinning, is the day I will stop loving.

You may think that I have a hidden side, but what you see is what you get. We got time to improve, time can renew.

You may say that I am impatient, but a day felt like a week for me, waiting for you, each and every single day to say yes. I might give up along the way, waiting and waiting, but I'll try my best to really struggle, and wait for you.

Maybe I'm waiting for a star to fall, or the town to snow. Nonetheless, I'll continue loving you, just the way you are.

Please, do say yes. I do. Maybe I love you more than life. I'm sure.

Pressing the publish button is a torture, because I felt that this may be not enough to express myself. But I did it. It is published.

We Are The Champions

2011-11-22T14:26:00.001+08:00

When I saw those men with nerves of steel, standing on top of the world, singing Negaraku, with the golden medal hanging on their necks, I know this would be the dawn of a new era for the nation's sports.

It's sad to say, for a guy, I don't actually like football. I just don't understand the game. 11 players, in jerseys of different colours, chasing a ball. I just couldn't understand why people are so into the game, that they would spend their time in front of the TV and coffee shops, just wasting their time. It's just not how I roll.

But the match was different. It's not just about football, it's more than that. It's about our pride and dignity, as the people of the country that we love, trying to reach the stars and beyond. It's our passion to be triumphant. Those players literally fought till the very end to win. They played their very best, for Malaysia. Not for any race, but for the country. When we cheer for them, we chant the name Malaysia instead of the race. This is the real spirit of unity that others failed to realize.

From the beginning of the match, I was already on Twitter, checking out the timeline for updates during the match. It was tense. Malaysians and Indonesians alike was having a verbal war amongst themselves, insulting each other. The 120-minute match was nerve-wrecking. Each passing minute ticks by, hoping for a miracle that Malaysia will pull it through this time. I was glued to my seat, with the remote control and the iPad on my hands. The team, referred as "Harimau Muda" or "Young Tigers", had a huge responsibilty to shoulder. A nation was hoping that they bring back the trophy that we thirst for since 1983.

The moves by these new breed of players were something to shout about. Being the first time joining such a huge event internationally, they had performed their best and had showed their opponent what are they made of.

Team Malaysia, you're the best!

Seriously?

2011-11-21T15:26:00.001+08:00

Honestly I don't get it. Why do you have to unfriend and block me on Facebook just because I'm joking around with you? Are you Greyson Chance? Do you sing "Unfriend You"? Why can't you just chill out and take life as it is? Are you kidding me?

I don't understand. So there I was, webcaming "happily" with a "friend" of mine, till I joke about the body size. I know it's insulting, but heck, I look at the mirror every single day, and I know my size very well. When I say very well, I'm 80kg with a height of 174cm. It may be deragotary, but still, people joke around with my skin colour, and I seldom have any problem with it. Yes, I do get mad, especially when it's on Facebook, but still, I just insult them back or probably didn't give a fuck bout' it. And for your information, most of my family members are plus sizes, and we are cool with it.

And by the way, if you think I'm going to curse you or flame you here, well, you're so wrong. I have an image to keep, publicly and privately. I don't have any spare time to curse or whatsoever, because it's just meaningless. I'll look retarded and arrogant if I start cursing.

Here's a piece of advice, whether you even care or not, for the fact you hate me so much, chill out, take a break, have a Kit Kat. It'll help. Go for chunky. It'll satisfy the craving more.

The name's not important. The only thing important is, you read this. Do you know how annoying it is for me to be deleted and block, just for some petty reasons? You're not the only one. You might say that I'm an asshole, but, some people just couldn't tolerate others.

And for the record, this is the second time you did this. And I will not be begging for mercy and forgiveness from you. I'm tired, you know that? I'm tired when you do this all over again. The first time was my fault, I admit it. I was being too boring and keeps talking about "her" until the point that I was being annoying. Yes, I'm sorry about that, but this? This is just insane!

Everyone is so serious. What the eff is wrong with you people? Just a word spoken out, and all of you go bombard me. Fine, fine. If I talk, people will eventually hate me. If I don't talk, people ask me what's wrong. What is wrong with you people? What bloody thing do you want from me? My talents? My luck? My abilities? My weaknesses? Take it! If that makes you happy, do it, for all I care!

Why are you people so serious? Are you Sirius Black or something? Are you Severus Snape or Bella Swan who obviously don't know what fun is?

Do you know who is Spongebob? You know?

Good. He is the mascot of fun. Let me rephrase that. He is THE epitome of fun. He is THE Rafael Nadal of Fun. He is F.U.N itself. Spongebob defines F.U.N. So, just listen to "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO and do yourself some fun.

Seriously, I had enough of trying to please everyone. That is my weakness. I'll try to master the art of IDGAF (I don't give a f**k) so that I finally can breathe easy.

It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live. [Albus Dumbledore]

Down

2011-11-18T23:57:00.001+08:00

Do you ever feel, in a particular day, you suddenly feel sad for no apparent and obvious reason, and the only thing you want to do is keep quiet and hide yourself in secrecy? And you are a guy at the same time? Most would say that we are having some sort of a "period" or something, but it is not true. Guys don't have "periods".

Honestly, for the record, I am bored. I don't have a plan to do anything, and obviously, I'm not studying until the last moment. As Bill Gates had said, "To be a good professional engineer, always start to study late for exams because it teaches you how to manage time and tackle emergencies." You may say that this is a reason for me to procrastinate my revision until the eleventh hour. I have my own reasons to NOT studying earlier.

First of all, if I study early, I may had covered everything, but before the exam, I have to study everything all over again to recap the subject. And I can perform better when I study a day before the exam.

That's how I roll.

They see me rollin', they hatin'.

Facebook - in a bowl

2011-11-17T22:31:00.001+08:00

I had enough of this nonsense. I'm just feeling tired of this, you know what I mean? Every single day, I would log on Facebook, and I am always at the weird side of it. There would be some weird people who seems to add you as a friend, and when you chat with them, or maybe post on their wall, heck, there wouldn't be any replies - at all.

And there are also some people who keeps reposting things such as -

ATTENTION : THE HACKERS HAVE ALREADY ENTERED FACEBOOK AND THEY ARE PUTTING SEXUAL VIDEOS FROM YOUR NAME TO THE WALLS OF YOUR FRIENDS WITHOUT YOU KNOWING IT! YOU DON'T SEE IT, BUT OTHER PEOPLE CAN SEE IT AS IF IT WERE A PUBLICATION THAT YOU MADE! SO IF YOU RECEIVE SOMETHING ABOUT A VIDEO, IT'S NOT MINE! Copy this onto your wall, it's for THE SECURITY OF YOUR OWN IMAGE. =)

OH NOW THE HACKERS ARE ENTERING FACEBOOK AND THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER OUR LIVES AND TURN US INTO FUCKING ZOMBIES!!! RUN RUN RUN!!!!!! .....yeeeahhhh....cool story bro. Calm the fuck down people.

Seriously, people. What happened to things called "common sense"? It seems that common sense is not so common after all.

And another thing, can you guys just fucking stop with the sharing of things like "share this and help this animal or this woman" because I'm pretty sure SHARING it on your wall of limited friends won't change a thing. If you can't really help, just lay your hands off the mouse. I don't fucking care, not because I'm a cold hearted bitch, but because there's nothing there for me to care about. A dying animal? Unless its MY dog, I ain't doing not shit. So stop being hypocrites and pollute my wall with bloodied elephants and dead premature infants! Can I not rape my eyesight - for even a day, when I log in to Facebook?

I think many of you will be like, "Stop logging on Facebook, and study, for goodness sake!". Well, for your information, I am addicted to Facebook, and now I need to be catching up with the information (whether true or false) that is circulating in it.

And by the way (if you care about it or not, it's not my problem), I am still having my exams. Mad? Everyone will be like, "Why don't you get your ass off the computer and start studying?". Oh puhlese, it's like so last century to immerse yourself in books and drown in a multitude of knowledge. I may be overreacting, but heck, everybody has to take some steam off to really perform. It's true.

I almost forgot. The existence of some people who posts things such as "♥ Offline ♥" and more crappy things every 5 minutes. Gah. They make me mad, you know what I'm saying. Seriously, their wall posts flooded my news feed.

Honestly, if my friends are on Google +. I think that it will be a happier place. Don't agree with me? Comment down below.

Love

2011-10-27T23:01:00.003+08:00

Without love, there is nothing.

These were the words spoken by Father Jessie in his homily for the Gospel for the Thirtieth Sunday in Ordinary Time last Sunday. "Without love, there is nothing".

Love is an expression towards an object or a person in a way that you really care for them that you would do anything to protect them. A dog may love his master, a husband may love his wife, and the list goes on. Love is everywhere, but sometimes we are just too blind to see it, or being too oblivious to its presence until it's gone.

"When you feel that your life is still empty, look for God".

I've been there. I've done that. But still, I feel so empty right now. Last time, I admit that I thought that not having a girlfriend was the problem. I was so wrong. I got into a relationship that lasted for 24 days, and believe me, it was hell. Then I thought that I haven't had much of the luxuries in life. I looked back in my life, I had a laptop, a netbook, an iPad, a decent phone, a comfortable house, and I can get anything that I want.

Then, I looked up.

It might be the missing part of my life. So, I joined the Youth Ministry and get more involved in the activities.

But honestly, I still feel empty. What am I going to do when the best part of me was always her, although I had many relationships in between? I'll never know.

Dear God

2011-10-22T00:49:00.001+08:00

Help me.

Dear God, can we have a moment to talk?

I know it's 24 more days till SPM starts, and it seems that my mind can't think straight. There are so many things that is bothering me right now, but the problem is, I am not sure what is troubling me right now.

I am so worried about what will my results be when SPM comes, because I didn't do that well for the first and second trial exam. I failed Chemistry, Additional Mathematics and most probably History this time. I admit, for the first trial, I was taking things too lightly, but for the second trial, I studied really hard. I guess it was too harsh for me until I fell sick.

I didn't go to school on Friday because I got food poisoning, and I had to miss Mathematics and History, both objective papers.

Honestly, my feelings are all mixed up. Probably it's just an illusion of mine or my mind playing tricks on me, but I feel so vulnerable right now. I feel that everyone is an enemy and it's the survival of the fittest out there. I now have the tendency to cut myself with scissors. I felt the satisfaction of watching blood drip from my wrists. But I never dared to cut it to deep until it has a huge gaping scar.

There's nothing here for me on this barren road

There's no one here while the city sleeps and all the shops are closed

I NO UNDERSTAND.

2011-10-07T18:39:00.000+08:00

Yeah, you heard me.

Seriously, wtf, I don't understand what is wrong with you two morons. No one likes your stupidity and your gayness in class. Do you even think that acting like Michael Jackson or daydreaming in class, trying to grab the teachers' attention is cute? And as for you, do you like it when people touch your breasts and ass? Come on, please. You are effing harrasing me, bishes.

One of you is already a pain in my ass, but two of you? Sometimes I just wish I can apply to enter the psychiatric ward and just be alone there. I shall use your initials. I don't give an eff anymore. You bloody irritate and defame me. F, honestly, you are one stupid dork. You're smart, but you're stupid. You know why? Sure you can beat me in studies, but your attitude in class is just like, retarded. Since the early of the year, you've been taking along a picture of your obsession with you along to school. It annoys me. Seriously, checking the picture every three minutes, caressing the picture, and making obscene sounds is cute? Come on! Everyone loves someone, but do they take their picture from Facebook, print it at a photo shop, then bring it around to school? Oh please! And it's not only just that. You keep writing fantasy stories in class, drawing some shitty piece of "novel" about your fantasy tennis game and Gundam with some kind of shiite. There is so much shiite to write about you, but I'll save it for next time. I really want to punch you in the face. Think your sparring skills can do good when I'm mad? Don't think so.

B. Oh gawd. Can you be more gay than ever? Why in the world are you so hypersensitive, that a joke sounds like an insult to you? You moron! This morning, I was just joking about your specs, but I was only joking about the brand. It goes like this, "Hey, look, it's Unico. Imagine if you put the letters R and N at the end. It will be "Unicorn"!". And you were like, "You don't make me insult you. I can ask those guys at the front to insult you. This is what my dad bought me" and some other shitty shitty stuff that I don't even bother to listen to. If SPM is getting on your nerves, why make me as the place for you to release your anger? You don't like it when I released my anger to you for just a bit. Does that mean you have the full power to release your anger onto me? Dick.

Sighs, people like you two really gets to my veins. I try to give both of you face, but when you insult me like that, that's a no-no. Go suck a lollipop and stop bitching me.

Go eff yourself, mothabishes.

It’s cute how you try to redeem yourself by acting like total dicks. Both of you. However, that doesn’t make you anymore appealing, no, it just makes you look like a giant butthurt bitch. Calm the fuck down, no one cares about your bitching, punk. If you think you’re so above everyone else, then how about you shut the fuck up and start showing some results? If you can’t even do that, then bishes, you have no right to be acting like assholes and get a life.

Why both of you have to act like such retards? I am so disappointed in you. Tsk tsk tsk.

Go eff each other. Yeah, you heard me.

Uneasy

2011-10-02T01:02:00.000+08:00

Things wouldn't be the same as it was before, I guess.

Like a railroad track, we will go our separate ways..

All those words had been spoken, and there is nothing I can do to take it back. I realized now that saying sorry won't fix anything. It is just trying to cover a wound with a Band-Aid. You can't see the wound anymore, but the pain is still there.

What is wrong with me? I couldn't control my emotions anymore. I can tick off very easily, always questioning people, and the worst of all, making everyone hate me.

Help me God. Let me receive the power to control myself..

:'(

The Play

2011-09-28T20:34:00.000+08:00

I am going to be an actor - sort of. Next Monday, I will going to play as St. Francis of Assisi -

St. Francis of Assisi

on his Transitus - a Fransiscan devotion to ritually remember the passing of St. Francis from this life to God.

The Transitus of St. Francis into Heaven

Okay. I know your reaction will be like this -

But truthfully, I am like this -

I hope, and I pray that I will do my best in the play.

I Need A Miracle

2011-09-27T22:51:00.000+08:00

I need one.

It's 48 more days to SPM. I need a miracle to pull off the biggest surprise to my family, friends and school - to get an excellent result in the examination. But now, I am burdened with so many things. I guess it's the rule of life. It has its ups and downs.

During Malay lesson just now, I just kept quiet. I usually am the chatterbox, where I simply can't keep my mouth shut. But today, I sat at the front left side of the class, and did the essay silently. I didn't even say a word about anything. The teacher was quite curious and worried, because I was silent. She asked me why. I didn't want to divulge in too much details, and said that I was stressed out. I had to tell a lie. It was more than that. I simply couldn't express myself. because I don't want people to have an impression on me that I am depressed and suicidal.

I didn't realize that my good friend James was sitting beside me, until he said hi to me. My mind was so preoccupied with so many things. I can say that James is like a personal counselor to me, and a very good brother in faith. He made me realized so many things, and I will not forget a quote that he said to me just now.

If something was meant for you, no matter how hard you try to reject it, it will come to you. But if something wasn't meant for you, no matter how hard you tried to obtain it, you won't get it, at all.

He also told me that it's time to let go of everything and focus on studies and God. I was struck when he said this. He knows how my love life is, and he understands what I feel. He told me to forget about her and just move on with life. It is so hard for me. I just love her too much, but it is an unanswered love. It tires me. I am so tired, being the only side who's struggling, but she simply couldn't care less. If you're reading this, it's obviously you.

People just simply couldn't care less about how I feel. I hate pleasing people all the time, but yet they do not even care how I feel. I have emotions too. I am not going to be around all the time. If I was destined to die tomorrow, would you rather wallow on your self regret knowing that you had done something wrong against me, or would you be glad that you and I had such a beautiful friendship? I guess, everyone would pick the second choice. But the thing is, would you take the initiative not to insult me all the time?

I care about others with all my heart, soul and strength. But, did I get what I deserved? No. Instead, people keep insulting me for what I do, although it is correct. I am sick and tired of this.

Alone.

Sometimes, I felt like hiding. Being alone. I want to see who are the ones who would take their trouble to find me.

I would like to share a quote by my Biology teacher, Mr. Phan.

It makes sense.

Thinking leads to action. Action leads to habit. Habit leads to character, and finally character leads to life.

"When you think of doing something, you will take action to do the activity. Once you do it, you keep doing it until it becomes a habit of yours. When it becomes a habit, it becomes a character of yours. Then finally the character becomes your life. If you want to change your life, first change your thinking. Start with a positive attitude, and finally it will become a positive character of yours and it will be a good life."

I want my life to change for the better. It's time for me to forget her and move on. But it is so painful that I don't know whether I can endure it or not. She keeps saying that we are only friends, and that breaks my heart so. I guess she is more interested in someone far better than me, and not as old as me.

"mungkin aku tidaklah sempurna
tetapi hatiku memilikimu sepanjang umurku
mungkin aku tak bisa memiliki
dirimu seumur hidupku"

"I may be not perfect

but my heart owns you all my life

maybe I will not have

you all my life"

Love hurts, and is it worth it? I don't ask for much.

I'm So Glad

2011-09-26T18:16:00.000+08:00

I'm so glad to finally be back home, after spending the weekend in Bintulu to check out the Borneo International Kite Festival 2011 which was held at the old Bintulu airport strip. It was fun. I was there last year, and in my humble opinion, this year's festival is merrier than last year.

We left Sibu at 1.45p.m. Friday, and arrived at Bintulu at 4.30p.m. It drizzled around Tatau, a half an hour's drive from Bintulu. The evening was still, and the breeze was not strong enough for kite-flying. So, most of the huge kites were not airborne. The sun sets, and we headed to Buenas Filipino Lechon for dinner.

Next day. Morning spent on reformatting the PC and laptop with Windows 7. Had tom yum for lunch. Around 3pm, when the sun is not too hot, we set out for kite-flying at the festival.

One of our kites, taken out from the cargo compartment.

The art of playing a kite. Like me. LOL.

People from all walks of life, whether young or old, join together in playing this dying sport

The world, gathered in one place, for one sport.

That's me, flying the kite real low.

The flags of nations participating. Can you identify all?

I <3 Bintulu

Visitors dancing with the kites.

Sanai Vaie - the official mascot of the festival

I did what it asked.

Later that night, feeling very exhausted, we went for dinner at Ipoh Town Kopitiam, next to Tune Hotels Bintulu.

Ipoh Town Kopitiam

:3 Curry noodles

Next day, after church, we headed to San Fransisco Coffee Co. for breakfast.

Cup is kinda cute.

American Breakfast set

Muffins.

Pancakes.

Coddled egg set, coffee and iced chocolate.

After all was done, we went back home, pack our stuff and went back to Sibu. It was truly an enjoyable trip, and pictures had helped me telling the story because a picture is worth a thousand words. Now it's back to books, and SPM is near. Memories would be there to remind me how good life is.

Weekend Getaway

2011-09-22T22:57:00.000+08:00

I'm going somewhere tomorrow. I'm not coming for the prayer meeting, or going to be around this weekend.

I'm coming.

I was obliged to write this before "everyone" misses me after not coming for the church activity last week. I was around, but I was busy. And this week, I'm not coming again because I'm going to Bintulu for the Borneo International Kite Festival.

So, yeah. See you guys next week.

End of the Line

2011-09-22T18:16:00.000+08:00

When the fight finally ends.

I had enough of fighting and struggling. I'm tired of fighting for everything that simply doesn't worth it at the end of the day. The feeling of being love drunk, having a crush with one after the another, fell in love with them, then gathered up enough pitiful courage and finally got rejected had become a cliché that I don't actually feel thrilled to have another so-called "relationship".

You give your everything, but nevertheless, she doesn't even care about how you feel. She had your heart in her hand, but still, she acts like nothing has happened. That ignorance she give you every single day, can be compared to a spear piercing through your heart, then pulled out from the body, then being pierced at the same spot over and over again.

I sometimes fervently wished that love was like a fairytale. She likes you, you like her, both have feelings for each other, then you'd be in a relationship, it lasted for so long, then both of you get married, have kids, send your kids for further studies, have grandchildren, and if time allows you to be on Earth longer, have grandchildren. And finally you die a happy death.

I guess that is what most teenagers wanted. Have a family, then live together. But the problem is, they are teens. Below 21, schooling, still supported by parents, and already have a son/daughter. That is certainly not my idea of love.

My idea of love.

My idea of love and having a relationship, especially at this age, is to have someone I truly love and deserved, who would go with me through thick and thin, can stand my attitude, would never get me bored, and the lists just goes on and on. I hate wimps who sulk at me just because I didn't text them earlier. I don't give fucks to people who expect me to contact them every single day, but doesn't do the same thing to me.

Texts. SMS. Don't you just hate it when you text your so-called lover, from text 1 until text 300, it's all "I love you so much" and all that crap? It's so boring! When I text, I want to text like friends. Tell stories, past experiences. Am I asking too much?

Alas, who cares?

I haven't pack my bags yet. Gonna post it later. See ya. Don't wanna be ya.

P.S : Read my last post too. I expect a comment.

Updates

2011-09-22T00:06:00.000+08:00

Me gusta.

It's a Wednesday night, and I'm feeling kinda exhausted although this is only the third day of the week. Research has shown that Wednesday is the most productive day, most probably because Monday and Tuesday had passed, and we are all counting the days until Friday. That makes sense, I think. I don't know.

SPM

It is also 21st September 2011, and it's barely 53 days till Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (Malaysian Education Certificate), which is equivalent to O-levels. The hype is on, but I still carry on my IDGAF attitude. I abhor being too crammed up with books and just read and write till the wee hours of the morning. It is stressful for a guy like me. I love things balanced. Study and play has its own time. Bleh. SPM is just a part of my life, and it is an important part of my life, where my journey continues after this once in a lifetime opportunity. I gotta seize the day. We'll see about that.

FFFFFFFUUUUUUU

I keep getting headaches recently, and things got worse yesterday. It all started after a tiring day in school. I went back from school at around 4p.m, with a slight headache, didn't took my afternoon nap, and helped my dad to install the new toilet door. It took the both of us 2 hours because the frame didn't fit. It rained after that, and soon enough, I went out for dinner at McDonald's. The weather was cold, and the air-conditioner in McD was probably on high. I drank a cup of iced Milo and a cup of Coke. It was cold. Then, I went to Breadsense. I have no idea why don't the workers feel cold. The air-conditioner was on EFFING FULL SPEED and I felt like entering a freezer. I got brain freeze and soon after, I went to Wisma Sanyan.

Then, I bought a cup of iGlool. I got brain freeze again. Went back, and the car was freezing too. Arrived home, took a warm bath, and studied for a while in the room. The fan was on full speed and it was beside me. Around 11.30p.m. I went to bed. The air-conditioner was quite cold, and I didn't take any analgesics before bed. Then the worst came. I woke up from a dream at around 2a.m. and my head was pounding as if it was being hit by a hammer. My only thought was stabbing my head with a syringe into the skull and draw out all the brain juice. I groaned in pain as I dragged myself towards the dining room to get some Panadol. FML. It only took effect after half an hour, and I was back in bed again.

Uurgh..

I woke up late, and I was practically on my toes rushing to get ready for school. But I still have my headache. I went to school as usual, and having a daily morning chatter with friends. I really hate pet peeves who interrupts my conversation over some shitty things such as girls going up the building opposite ours. Bish. I was so sleepy that I took a nap before class started. During class, it was so boring, with the teacher's monotonous voice, that it was a struggle for me to keep awake.

Around 10a.m., the headache got worse. I didn't give an eff of what the teacher is saying but instead massaged my own head. It subsided after I took Panadol, again, from one of my friends. The thing about medications, in general, is that I hate to take it, especially if there is a prescription. I simply hate it.

Talking about Facebook, I gave a thought of deactivating it on the 1st of October, until 30th November, where I will have my last paper, and an occasion to celebrate freedom. It sounds harsh, but I had to do something to get myself geared up for SPM. I was also planning to ask my dad to stash my laptop and netbook away on 1st of November, so that my mind is concentrated on studying. But alas, everyone can still contact me. I'm just a text and a phone call away.

I am not going to spoil the surprise of what am I going to do this weekend until the next post, which hopefully is tomorrow. It is related to a festival, and it is in a town. Try to guess it. =)

So long for now. I gotta go back to bed. It's 12.02a.m. Here's a song for you who's going to stay late or most probably wake up early. It's called "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues" by Elton John.

Signing off. Good night all.

Mad

2011-09-18T15:03:00.000+08:00

Don't play with fire. *courtesy of Gary WTS

Parents always tell their children to not play with fire. Fire can burn and kill you. In the picture above, it is clear that the person is playing with fire. But he's not hurt, thankfully.

I have a very fiery personality. Although I may be very jovial and happy, but once if you tick me off, heck you're going to die.

If you want to spread rumors about me, I don't give an eff.

Yeah.

Tired.

2011-09-17T21:48:00.002+08:00

Waiting for the end.

When life throws you shit, sometimes you just gotta duck, and sometimes you just gotta grab one of it and throw at those who really pisses you off.

I iz mad.

I am now certainly pissed off when people keep question my authority, integrity and honesty. If you don't believe me, I obviously do not care. But when you keep bugging me and always ask me whether I am true to my words, here's my ultimate answer.

I AM NOT TRUE TO MY WORDS. I BREAK PROMISES I MADE.

Relieved now? I am not gonna lie. Everyone uses a mask to hide their true identity, and I do too. I break promises, so what? Everyone does that, even how hard someone tries to keep a promise, sometimes you will break it, obviously.

Here is something that someone texted me, and I am going to post it here. You want to be mad? I don't effing care!

"I'm just someone, running to win love, but no one give me a drink."

You really want a drink? Go get it yourself.

On a related matter, when I don't text someone, it means that:

1. I am busy like hell.

2. I can't find my phone.

3. My battery ran out.

4. I didn't realize the text until it's too late.

5. I am taking my bath.

6. I ran out of airtime.

7. I am avoiding you because you're irritating or I don't want to hurt you.

8. I just wanna be alone.

Talk to the effing hand.

If you want to annoy me or ask me stupid questions, especially when I am tired, talk to the hand coz' the face certainly doesn't give a flying eff. Or else, you will get a knuckle sandwich.

Grrrrr........

I am now as violent and restless like Taz. If you really want to pick a fight with me, especially when I don't have any mood or I am just simply tired, you will end up like this.

Simply gorgeous.

If you were a tuna, and I was a lion, I would swim to the middle of the ocean and kill you, and bang your tuna boy/girlfriend.

Happy?

Torn Apart

2011-09-16T18:04:00.000+08:00

Is this the end of of the line?

You know who you are.

I am torn apart between two. Between a crush of mine who seems to not care about me, and someone who loves me for who I am.

Yes, I do care for the both of them, but it's just that I love the crush so much. But her ignorance had hurt me so much that I am at the point where I am too afraid to love and be loved. And there's this girl who loves me for who I am.

She admitted that she had a crush on me, and holding on to the principle that everyone deserves a chance to love and be loved, I just accepted her without thinking for even a second. But now I seem to regret the action that I take. I realized that I still have a strong feeling on the crush that I think that I had done a huge mistake.

I will never understand when I will be truly happy and contempt with the person I truly love.

I am truly sorry if you are reading this. I know you love me so much, but it's just I still love her, although she hurt me so dearly. The phrase "just friends" kills everyone, so I am not going to say it.

I'm so sorry.

Insecure.

2011-09-09T22:26:00.001+08:00

Thou shalt suffer the fate of getting scolded.

I am having a very unstable mood right now. I am trying my best to avoid everyone. I can get easily irritated by small matters. And surprisingly, I am not in the mood to chase anyone right now, even those I am trying to chase all this while.

It is fairly awkward for me to have this feeling. All this while, I was a jovial and cheerful person, and now suddenly I rather keep things to myself. Life seemed to be uninteresting to me. I am not looking forward to anything. In a conversation, if the person got bored, instead of finding something interesting to talk about, I just shut up.

Bored.

Friends Kopitian, Pusat Tanahwang, Sibu

2011-09-02T23:15:00.001+08:00

The poster on its Facebook page.

Friends Kopitian is a food establishment located in the vicinity of Pusat Tanahwang, opposite SMK Sacred Heart. It is open daily from 6.00 a.m. until 7.00p.m. The coffee shop caters to a different variety of local delicacy and offers mainly Chinese foods.

The interior of the shop

The ambience at the shop is calm and relaxing, suitable for chit-chats and meals with friends and family.

Here, you will be greeted by the proprietor of the shop, and also the person in charge in making the drinks.

Drumming?

I went for lunch with my friends Arrish and Brandon. We went here after our extra class ended.

The looks on their faces. Priceless.

Both of them ordered 7-Up mixed with blackcurrant juice, while I ordered shaved iced red bean.

Multitasking. Eating, texting, surfing the Web.

All of us ordered flat noodles, or commonly known as "pak kui", a Foochow delicacy.

Students usually flock the shop, and it's peak hours are in the afternoon during school days, and weekends, after co-curricular activities.

Friends Kopitian on Facebook

Before it Ends

2011-08-14T19:53:00.000+08:00

This I ask of thee..

I feel confused right now. Feelings that I thought that is gone from my life came back. The feelings that I to avoid all this while came like a gentle breeze blowing towards me.

Love :(

It's that same feeling over and over again. The feeling of love. I thought I got over it, but in fact, I didn't. I am scared. It leaves me feeling vulnerable, and just a word or action or gesture will break my heart, which I tried to heal, but failed. I don't want to get hurt again. It's always the same story every single time.

As always, to sum it up in just a few words, I fell in love with this girl, but unfortunately she doesn't even have any interest in me at all, or she don't want to be in a relationship, then I gathered up my courage, and proposed, and finally got rejected and hurt. Then the girl would be very cautious and think twice before even talking to me. Somehow, these things had become so cliche that, in my humble opinion, it will repeat itself over and over again.

The fire is blown out with just a word.

People said that you'll never know if you don't try. I tried all this while, and guess what? It failed. Rantings of a confused heart :/

Screwed Up.

2011-08-07T00:26:00.000+08:00

Blow me. Bite me. Eat me. F**k me.

Things had been going pretty screwed up lately. It's 7 days more till the 1st Trial, and I am not in the spirit to move to 5th gear in pursuit for excellence and success. I'm still stuck in that alternate dimension where SPM is nothing. Bleh.

The haze came back, and now I had my tonsillitis back (which is the main reason I was admitted to hospital the other day), with flu and cough. I hate these days when I am preparing for something BIG , that is the examination.

I've been wasting my weekend watching and downloading Supernatural via torrent. Gawd, if I had any other alternatives, I would not download via torrent because it's throttled by the telecommunications company. And when I open the torrent client, my bandwidth is literally screwed up. I can't even load a single page of Facebook properly when the torrent client is open!

Look at the download speed of each torrent! The highest is only 14.8 kB/s. How in the world can I finish this fast?

I'm bored. I'm not refraining myself from texting or chatting with anyone, but seriously, when I don't find anyone, heck no one even care to start a conversation with me, except some homies of mine. Sometimes I think I want to disappear, but all I really want is to be found.

Monster

2011-07-31T22:04:00.001+08:00

Honestly, the title "Monster" and the picture doesn't relate to what am I about to write about in this post. I have tons of things to write, but I had the "writers' block" when it comes to the blog post title. So, yeah. It's settled then.

A lot of things had happened over the past 2 weeks since I came out from the hospital. Recently, I got a consolation prize for the Borneo Post English Quiz that was held on Saturday, 30th July 2011. It was tough. The overall champion is none other than SMK Methodist. SHS, all of us had tried our best, but that is not best that we could do. Bring back the trophy to SHS! *awkward moment of silence*

Notice the typo? Engish Quiz. LOLed the whole day.

The SHS warriors. :D

Some sort of a family photo of weirdos. LOL JK it's the Junior team

But, all and all, it was truly a worthwhile experience, as we got to get out sorry asses from joining Karnival Badan Beruniform :D

I am actually tired of writing about her. Honestly, I don't think she ever gives a damn about what I felt about her. Sometimes, it's better to just keep my mouth shut and press the ignore button to life's every miseries. Her best friend hates me because I annoyed her by talking about the crush of mine too often. I admit, it was my mistake, but I have better things to do nowadays.

I'm thinking of chasing someone else, but in my humble opinion, things would be the same over and over again. I won't bat an eyelash if whoever that I am going to chase will reject me as how the others did. The past memories won't run away from me that easily, cause it is there where I get my experience from.

As David Choi said in this song, "can somebody please stop me from falling for this girl, coz' it always hurts. I don't want to give my heart to someone new, I've been there before and it's my heart she tore in two". Songs had always been my refuge when I am feeling down. History will repeat itself if I am going to chase Ms. Wrong again. Sigh.

The viscous cycle will repeat over and over again. Don't you think that I deserve a better chance? Let me know, down berow. Peter Chao FML.

By the way, I am going to "publicly" *ahem* show my study table to the whole world, if that's what you call a study table.

Epic.

Okay, so I am going to give a guided tour of my study table. Here we have, my toiletries, *ahem*, my dad's laptop, my netbook, my 2 phones (don't ask me why. I just do), cluttered books and papers. And that's practically about it. How on earth am I going to study here? Easy. Get rid of everything. LOL.

To conclude my rant for now, I would wish all Muslims worldwide a happy Ramadhan, and may blessings be showered upon all of you.

"Stop drinking the hatorade and start drinking the bubble tea" - Peter Chao

Till next time, folks!

Hospital Life

2011-07-25T22:44:00.000+08:00

I've been away last weekend, with me ended up being admitted to the hospital because my fever won't simply go down.

So, this was my arm, getting my first intravenous line in my life. It was the most painful experience ever, because I had to be very careful in moving my wrist and fingers. As the long needle is pierced parallel to my thumb, so the thumb literally froze because every movement is painful. And the doctors keep asking me what are the symptoms I had, for 5 times. Seriously, 2 times is okay, but 5 times? It's just annoying.

Mind you, this is not a joke. So, at the corner, I am at the same section with 2 meningitis patients, a patient who had been infected with malaria, and on my right, is a patient with the 1Malaysia sickness. Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with politics. The person beside me had diabetes, kidney failure, and etc that the family members call it the 1Malaysia sickness.

Among all of them, the person with malaria and I were the only ones who look healthy. Fair enough, I finally got some sleep when I was admitted to the hospital, but the thing I hate most is when the nurses wakes me up in the middle of the night just to ask me to eat some medications and check my blood pressure and temperature. I was awake around 12am, 3am, 4am and 6.30am. Gah.

So I was there for 2 nights, killing my boredom by reading the January and June issue of Readers' Digest, for 10 times. Not fun.

Second day. They pulled out my intravenous line and I can feel my thumb again. My body temperature is back to normal, and that's when boredom kicks in. When I'm healthy, I have no more reason to sit around. I just want to get out of the bloody hospital and that's it.

By the way, I started wearing normal clothes. I just sit around with my Body Glove t-shirt and shorts. No way I am going to wear hospital clothes. LOL. There was that time where the visiting time ended, and the guards mistook me for a visitor. Heck, I am not the visitor, I am the patient!

So, here is my picture, on D-Day, where I am at the point of eternal boredom that I subscribed to Celcom Broadband, just to tweet. LOL. This was taken at the morning, where I really long to go to school. Creepy.

I was discharged that afternoon, and my ordeal has come to an end. So much for my shitty ranting.

Gourmet

2011-07-25T21:08:00.000+08:00

It has been quite some time that I blogged about food, and in this post, we'll take a break from my love life with a delicacy found only in Rejang Park, the chao chai tom yam. It's basically tom yam noodle with chao chai noodle, which is almost the same as mee hoon, but thicker, and served with lumps of minced pork meat and fish fillets. The store is located at the vicinity of Rejang Park "Shopping Centre" (heck I don't even understand why they call it a shopping centre, because it's not) with the GPS coordinates of 2.306999,111.837167.

Here is the stall, located at Happy Hours Cafe. It is open weekdays at around 8pm and weekends around 8am or so. They serve tom yam noodle, clear soup noodle and spicy and clear soup noodle (I forgot the spicy one :D) You also can opt for fish or prawns.

The stall has been featured in major newspapers, and here are the cutouts from The Star and most probably Sin Chew Daily (I don't read Chinese newspapers. Maybe you readers can tell me where it is from).

You will expect a slightly long waiting time, because the orders are quite many.

The boiling clear soup inside the small pot. Trust me, the taste is scrumptious.

I was quite reluctant to eat at the coffee shop and I had decided to take away the tom yam noodle. The taste of heaven in a bowl. -drools-

That's all for my oh-so-short post about the famous stall in Rejang Park. Till' next time!

Every Sunday Night

2011-07-10T23:34:00.000+08:00

It's a Sunday night. Everyone is sleeping early to wake up feeling fresh to face the Monday blues, but that's not the case for me. I am still wide awake, feeling a bit exhausted but still energetic enough to stay awake. Unfortunately, if I study now, nothing will enter my brain. Zero. So I blog. Heart's aching, y'know?

So, my blog now is mainly about how I feel. Do expect some depressing posts, alright?

Here's a question. How to feel happy when your heart is longing for something that is almost impossible to achieve? I am hoping for something that would not come true - to be with her. I must say, I am very stubborn and naive. I just don't get it. I never learn from my mistakes. Why am I like this? I have no idea.

Developing new feelings for someone is easy. The hard part is, getting rid of the old emotions you had for someone else. There will always be that first true love. The one that never really worked out but you kept your hopes up too much. The one who got away.

Forever?

2011-07-09T00:57:00.000+08:00

Questions.

Forever. How long is forever? For me, that elusive "forever" is exactly 24 days. 24 days. 576 hours. 34560 minutes.

24 days. I'm talking about how long we had been together before I rolled the dice and called it off. Why? It's just not worth it to hold on. Some might think that I am a jerk, but I have my own reasons. I just couldn't live in a life of lies and empty promises.

She had promised to contact me every single day. She promised to me for so many times, but she never kept her promise. Relationships can’t exist without listening and communication. Sometimes, circumstances prevent people from communicating face to face. That distance greatly effects us, and in my case, we are in a long distance relationship. We hear about experiences when what we really want is to live them. Words can only go so far.

Every single time, she would promise me the same thing over and over until it becomes a cliché. I would foolishly trust her blatant lies and empty promises until I realised that enough is enough.

I texted her every single day, and I would only get a reply when I start to question her promises. And sometimes, when I am too lazy to even give a damn, she would not text me for a few days. I could understand that she is busy to text me at certain times, but she never bothered to tell me and left me feeling puzzled. She is just bitching around and acting like a total arse.

I had made that painful decision to just break up and move on with life. It's meaningless if I just act like a dumbass and thinking that everything is okay. She will never appreciate my presence until I am gone. She had asked me to be back in the relationship as usual, but I rejected. Nothing is going to change the fact that I don't love her anymore and that I had enough with all her lies.

So, if I ever see her on the street, I'll pretend that I didn't see, and turn my face. No use in small talks anyway.

The Beautiful Hands of A Priest

2011-07-05T09:41:00.000+08:00

Photo with Fr. William Bos at the Sacerdotal Ordination of Fr. Simon and Fr. Fabian

Dear Father Bos,

Since the day I began to understand a lot of things on life, you had been an unforgettable part of my life. Every Sunday, when I go to church, the moment when I see that neatly parked brown Land Cruiser, I know you would be the celebrant in the church.

You are always neatly dress in your white cassock, walking around in the church, stopping by almost every bench, asking the parishioners how was their day, and with your loud and clear voice, the whole church could listen to what you are saying.

When I started joining the altarservers, I could see how you treat us. Before each mass, you would greet us in a friendly manner, and sometimes joke around. You would always blow out the candles that was carried by the candle bearers and we would always carry a lighter around to relit those candles. Then you would wear the vestments and shoo us out of the sacristy. :)

At the beginning of the mass, you would greet us again before starting the mass. I would always see a small bottle of mineral water below your seat. Then during the sign of peace, you would willingly greet each one of us.

You had been a jovial and playful priest, and these memories will be etched in our memories for the rest of our lives. You had been one of the greatest miracle that was given by God to the people of Sibu, that is to serve Him in this wonderful paradise.

As the saying goes, "all great things must come to an end". It's time that you have to leave Sarawak and finally settle down in Holland. We will miss you a lot, Father, and I would like to end this post with a poem called " The Beautiful Hands of A Priest." We shall meet each other again someday. Not today, not tomorrow, but next time.

We need them in life's early morning,

We need them at its close,

We feel their warmth clasp of true friendship,

We seek them when tasting life's woes.

When we come to this world we are sinful,

The greatest as well as the least,

And the hands that makes us pure as angels,

Is the beautiful hand of a priest.

At the altar each day we behold them,

And hands of a king on his throne,

Are not equal to them in their greatness,

Their dignity stands alone.

For there in the stillness of the morning 'ere,

The sun has emerged from the East,

There, God rests between the pure fingers,

Of the beautiful hand of the priest.

And when we are tempted and wander to pathways of shame and sin,

'tis the hand of a priest will absolve us not once but again and again within.

And when we are taking life's partner,

Other hands may prepare us a feast,

But the hand that will bless us and unite us,

Is the beautiful hand of a priest.

God bless them and keep them all holy,

For the Host which these fingers caress,

What can a poor sinner do better,

Than to ask Him who chose thee to bless,

When the death dews on our eyelids are falling,

May our courage and strength be increased,

By seeing raised O'er us in blessing,

The Beautiful Hands of a priest.

P.S : Fr. William Bos will celebrate his last mass in Sarawak at St. Mary's Church Sibu, Sunday, 10th July 2011 at 8.00a.m. He will be leaving for good on Monday, 11th July 2011.

We will miss you, Father.

Sigh..

2011-07-01T23:58:00.000+08:00

All I wanted was a fairytale relationship. But now it seemed that it turned into hell. Sigh.

Honestly, all I wanted is a girl who would understand what I want and need, and I wanted a girl whom I can understand what she needs and wants. But, we are two different person who barely shares any common likes and dislikes. I don't mind if she is willing enough to know the true side of me by asking me questions. I am willing enough to share my joys and sorrows with her. But, alas, it's like we are so distant from each other, that neither one of us even gives a damn about what happens to each one of us.

I just wanted more attention from her, coz' I would do the same for her. Love doesn't mean anything if there is no change for the better. This relationship is going nowhere except downhill.

Lamentations aside, it's Friday! Thank goodness it's Friday! I've been counting for Friday to come, and finally, it came.

I know that the thumbnail seems perverted of some sort, but it's not. Tomorrow's the day that I am going to school for the 1Murid1Sukan1Malaysia thingy. I can't wait!

After Hours with Zack Aaron

2011-06-26T01:53:00.000+08:00

It's 1.30a.m. on a Sunday. Yeah, I know. I should go to bed right now and wake up early in the morning for church. None of my friends are available right now for a chat, and so I blog to kill my boredom. I can't sleep. Maybe it's because that I slept too much in the morning and in the afternoon, that I am energetic enough in the wee hours of the morning. There are quite some things that has been constantly revolving in my mind, and I think I should get it out before I turn nuts. Do mind my grammar mistakes. I'm typing in the dark. :D

Yeah, yeah, it's about relationships. What else. Heck I had talked about this topic for so long that I actually am bored with it. Studies are alright with me. I can still manage it tho'. But this thing they call relationships is very hard to be managed alone.

It seems that this is going nowhere. This is a problem when both of us don't really know each other that well. I honestly don't know what is the type of person that she is, and I believe that she also do not know my true colours. She only got to see the kind and loving side of me, and I am pretty sure that she doesn't know my bad side.

When both of us don't know each other well, both of us won't know what are both of our needs/ That is a problem that often leads to breakups. My friend told me that this is not a suitable time to think about it, because it will affect my studies. But I had to face this demon of mine no matter what. I am well-prepared, but nothing can ever prepare me for the pain that will be inflicted after this.

Wait. What am I talking about actually? It's not even related to the title of the blogpost. LMFAO. Let's have a cup of fine Ipoh white coffee, sit down, and have a talk among ourselves. Do you ever gave a thought of how a day ends, although how great or miserable it is? We'll just have to seize the day and accept the day as it is, because some might not be lucky enough to see tomorrow. Well, it's life, as we know it, we had to go.

I'm going off...to sleep. I'll wake up, don't worry.

1Malaysia Netbook

2011-06-25T21:56:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I had received a set of 1Malaysia netbook under the National Broadband Initiative. The National Broadband Initiative was set up to enable more Malaysians to gain access to the Internet. I am really thankful that I was eligible for the netbook and now I am currently writing this post using the 1Malaysia netbook.

The 1Malaysia netbook, with the huge 1Malaysia decal on it

10-inch netbook compared to my 14-inch notebook

Side-by-side comparison

Full view of the netbook

The stickers at the bottom.

Thank you for giving me this netbook! I really appreciate it!

Confused

2011-06-22T23:40:00.000+08:00

I am confused. I still have this feeling for her, although I had promised myself not to love again after what I had been through. I told myself to just be friends with her, but the selfish and stubborn part of me didn't even learn from all the mistakes I had done all this while.

Being single has its perks, and just being close friends can last a longer time than being in a relationship, especially at this age where puppy love is common. I know this. I understand what it meant. Being in a relationship at this stage of life won't guarantee that it will last long. We will become strangers again. In a relationship, there are times when our one desire is to share with the other person. We hope to offer a new perspective. To learn and grow from each other in that way. To show the world. Unfortunately, nothing stays clear forever. Many things can blind us: jealousy, doubt, overthinking, and ironically, comfort.

The only possible way now is to just lay low and just be friends with her. Can the person we love, love us back just the same? That is a question that I never got the answer. I don't want to feel needed under occasional circumstances.

What am I thinking? Why can't I just accept the fact that it's better to just be friends with each other?

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

2011-06-21T20:01:00.000+08:00

I am in the midst of despair, and maybe hope. I am actually at lost for words. It's hard for me to describe how I feel right now. I had been in a relationship, and mind you, it's torment for me. I barely know her, and I admit that I was desperate. She just broke up with her boyfriend, and I did a stupid mistake that I will regret doing for the rest of my life - being her boyfriend.

Everything seemed to be working fine and it felt like a fairytale relationship for me. It seemed like Prince Charming and Snow White. I had a beautiful girl at my side. It was a long distance relationship. I wished and prayed that it turned out to be a long relationship, although long distance relationships never lasts. Sadly, I was right. It survived for a week. Barely survived, I say.

The first few days were heavenly. We texted all day long after school, then "text kissed" (well, I made my own term) each other, and texted each other good night. Everything turned out perfect. I finally had a girlfriend after so long, and now, there is someone out there who loves me for the person who I truly am.

But things started to took a turn for the worse. Last Friday (no pun intended, not even related to Katy Perry's song or Rebecca Black's song), I went back late home. I had my Chemistry extra class till' 4pm, and my dad tagged me along to the hospital straight from school. Both of us arrived home at around 6.20p.m. When I arrived home, I went straight to my bedroom to take my phone and text her.

What a rude shock I had when she sulked at me for not texting her earlier. For goodness sake, I just arrived home with my school uniform still on! I did not bother to take my phone to school because I am worried that there will be a spotcheck and they will take away my phone. She did not believe me. I had no idea on how angry I was at that time. But I had to control my rage because I loved her.

I consoled her, and things returned normal. We texted till late night until I snoozed off after taking some medicines to relieve my runny nose.

The same thing happened again the next morning when she sulked at me, again. Gah. I told her the whole story, and she asked me to call her in the afternoon. Afternoon came, and I called her. We talked nonesense, and after that I texted her. I told her that her voice sounds like my friend's voice. You guessed it, she sulked again. She hates being compared.

Seriously, I have no idea on what does she wants from me. I guess it's alright to be single.

It's Tuesday today, and she hasn't texted me since Sunday night. Well, she may had found a new guy in her life that ACTUALLY can stand her antics and emotions. The only thing I want to do now is just to enjoy moments with myself and be happy that I would be single, soon enough.

:(

2011-05-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

Why am I feeling so disappointed over the fact that I am just a playmate for her. I just can't make myself to move on. Every single attempt end up in hurting my emotions deeply while she's just the way she is - ignorant.

I want more something more than just friendship. I want a relationship. I understand the consequences, and I am willing to accept anything in result of the relationship. I want us to be meaningful. I don't want to be just another friend of yours.

I guess that's impossible.

Move On

2011-05-11T18:15:00.000+08:00

Moving on. It's the hardest decision that I am going to do. It's for the best for the both of us. I won't be spending too much time chasing her, and she won't feel very uneasy being chased all the time. It's too hard. She has no interest in me whatsoever, from what I presume.

If we weren't meant to be, nothing I can do will change anything. It only makes everything worse. Although a lot of people has been supportive of me, it's meaningless because it won't change her heart. Why is life so hard? Why do we need to let go of a lot of things?

Dreams on a Ceramic Plate

2011-05-11T17:57:00.000+08:00

Now, now, what is all about the dreams on a ceramic plate for my blog name? Why not something more personalized? Why don't I put names such as "Aaron's Sanctuary" or something? Here's why.

This blog was started in 2009, unknown to my family members, as a way for me to express my feelings. At first, I named this blog "Crystal Dreams" alongside my old blog, "Opened Cookie Jar". My old blog was meant for commercial blogging, ads and stuff like that, and Crystal Dreams was just another place to show my true feelings.

After PMR, the old blog was never updated and Crystal Dreams was revamped. At first, the blog posts are about my ex, and as time goes by, it describes me. Then, as I felt that Crystal Dreams is too common, so I changed the blog's name to Dreams on a Ceramic Plate, with the tagline, "dreams are like on a plate, waiting to be broken by anyone.".

I never bothered about the true meaning of Dreams on a Ceramic Plate. As time goes by, I rediscovered myself and at the same time, discovered the true meaning of Dreams on a Ceramic Plate. A ceramic plate, although it's chemically inert and durable (from a scientific point of view), it's fragile. It represents us. Our feelings. Our hopes and dreams are represented by how hard the plate falls. When the plate falls very hard, it shatters. When our biggest hopes and dreams are shattered, we get disappointed.

:'( tears.of.sadness.

Scrapping Borneo Cultural Festival? Bad Idea.

2011-05-02T00:27:00.001+08:00

This was the headline of most major newspapers about the Borneo Cultural Festival which was held annually in the month of June / July in Sibu, Sarawak.

SIBU: The Borneo Cultural Festival (BCF) has come to an untimely end after nine years as one of the biggest draws in the Sarawak tourism calendar.
The Sibu Municipal Council (SMC) decided at its meeting yesterday to scrap the festival in an apparent fallout following the defeat of Barisan Nasional here during the recent state polls.
SMC chairman Datuk Tiong Thai King said the decision was made with a heavy heart since voters had rejected the Sibu Barisan Visionary Team, which comprised Barisan elected representatives here.
The festival was initiated by the team while the council was tasked with organising it for the past nine years. It was held in the first week of July.
It show-cased cultural performances from the Malay-Melanau, Chinese and Dayak communities and also included troupes from China, Indonesia, South Korea, Taiwan and New Zealand.
BCF was a money-spinner for locals who set up stalls, ranging from food and drinks to other products, during its 10-day run.
“From the results of the state polls, we can clearly see the stand of the urban folk. They have chosen to reject the Sibu Visionary Team. The team's efforts have been brushed aside,” said Tiong.
“The majority of the people here have sent a strong signal that they do not appreciate the team.
“Against this backdrop and after consulting all relevant quarters, I wish to inform that we will not be proceeding with the festival this year. This has been a hard decision,” said Tiong, who was defeated by DAP in Dudong during the polls.
Tiong said organising the festival was a financial burden for the council as it did not receive Federal funding.
He also apologised to those who had made preparations in anticipation of this year's do.
Last year, SMC announced that it would make this year's festival the grandest ever.
After the meeting yesterday, several councillors urged the council to reconsider the decision.

This was a rude shock for all Sibu people, because Borneo Cultural Festival is the most important event in the tourism calendar of Sarawak. People from all over the state, or even the whole country, would come to Sibu to flock and enjoy the 10-day festival which was filled with performances, expo, exhibition and various stalls selling different variety of delicacy by the Dayaks, Malays, Melanaus, and Chinese. It is also a venue for small and medium enterprises to exhibit their products.

Without BCF, Sibu would be a dead town. There would be nothing to offer to the tourists. Sibu would just be a stop for travellers, and some of the people in Sibu had migrated to other towns and cities. BCF is the only festival in Sibu that literally pulling in the tourists from all over the country, or perhaps all over the world.

To the leaders, stop being too self-centered and think about the future of Sibu. Think about the fate of our beloved Venice of Sarawak when tourists stop coming in. It would be catastrophic. We do not have any natural wonders to attract visitors. Sibu is handicapped by lack of visitor attraction. You must listen to the needs of the people, not the needs of yourselves. I am a fence-sitter. I am neutral.

I am proud to be a Siburian, and I don't want this town to be left out.

Dumbfounded,,

2011-04-30T23:18:00.000+08:00

OMFG :O

I am just dumbfounded. Will this feeling end? I just can't accept the fact that she is not even interested in me, or even care what I feel. I don't know where to draw the line to where I should give up and move on to better things.

I am so pissed off this morning when the whole Form 4 batch of SPBT know about my oh-so-long-ago attempt of trying to date a girl. F*** them. They keep saying her name until I did things that I would never do unless circumstances force me to - punch and strangle them. I am so stressed out, and they add unnecessary stress to me.

I hate it so much. I just can't get things straight. I just can't forget about her. I just can't do anything nowadays. I feel so weak. I need help.

An Easter Miracle

2011-04-24T01:04:00.000+08:00

I am proud to say thank you Jesus for giving me a miracle today when I was less expecting it - to meet her for the first time after 2 years. I thought I would never had any chance to meet her, although my prayers weren't fervent. This is a day to be remembered for quite some time.

Today started off quite rough when I heard a knock on the door. It was my dad. He asked me to go to the orchard. I would take my Celcom number along but suddenly something told me to bring my DiGi along. We had our breakfast at Rasa Sayang, and after that we went to the orchard. There, I did some grasscutting and the thought of going to the PC fair dawned on me.

After completing, I logged on my Facebook using the phone and told her about the plan on persuading my dad to bring me to the PC fair. Coincidentally, she was preparing to go to Sibu for the PC fair. I told my dad about going to the fair, but he kept silent.

I soon know why. He was planning to go to a hardware store and buy a ladder.

Feeling sad, after arriving home, I went to bed for a while.

At 4.30p.m. I went to church for Easter mass rehearsal. When I came to the church, I saw my friend Colin busy preparing stuffs for Sunday's food sale. As he was planning to buy a pendrive, so I asked him whether he would like to check out the PC fair.

I thought she left already, so I did not bother to find her. Colin was busy surveying pendrives while I was checking out some stuffs. Then at an isle, I saw her. I can't describe how surprised and happy am I when I saw her.

That was the best miracle I had so far for today. I wish time did not go on so fast during that moment.

Strangers, again

2011-04-22T22:29:00.001+08:00

This is a video by Wong Fu Productions about the stages in a relationship. Enjoy and comment below.

You and I began as strangers. You became my life. We will become strangers, again.

Speechless

2011-04-22T03:07:00.000+08:00

Now, now, I'm not talking about Lady Gaga and her outrageous fashion sense here.

I am just speechless. I don't know how and why this is happening to me. Everybody seems to be ignoring me and lies straight to my face. I am not an attention whore, but I deserve some attention from my friends. All this while, I was so kind to lend an ear to their problems, and help them to solve it, but when it's my turn, no one remembers what I did for them.

When I am in a load of trouble or depressed, the ones who I trusted seems to turn their backs away from me and I have to face it alone. When I had a problem as large as the size of a mammoth, all they can say is "Sorry, I am busy" but ironically, they are on Facebook playing MouseHunt.

All I want is just some help. Alas, I hoped too much.

Coon's Age

2011-04-22T02:40:00.000+08:00

It has been ages since I post anything on this blog, and if I am not mistaken, my last post was just before Christmas. I'm on Facebook 24/7 but I just couldn't seem to spend some time to rant about anything under the sun.

Well, the State Election has finally over last Saturday, and the ruling government, Barisan Nasional took the majority. I'm not here to elaborate about the election, because what is done is done. There is no point to point fingers and put the blame on others on one's defeat. It's our rights to choose. Democracy is the way, not autocratic.

Now it's almost the end of April 2011, and I have to concentrate on certain stuff. SPM. Yeah. Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia. The passport to tertiary education if you passed, or continue Form 6 if you flunk. It's not as easy as PMR. It's a living hell for us students. The first trial is in August, and I still have less than 4 months to UBAH.

I am now in a dilemma. I am in Form 5, and I am falling head over heels over a younger girl from another town. If we managed to be in a relationship by this year, I had to face the grim fact. I am going to university next year, most possibly far out from Sarawak, and the distance between us woule be greater. I believe that every relationship goes through stages. Where and how each stage develops is ultimately up to each person. While we always hope for the best, we often can't avoid the inevitable.

We started off as strangers. That's Stage 1. Meeting. Thanks to my most annoying personality. If you had been following my older blogs, you may have known how I met my ex. Yup. The Info Hunt Competition. Well, back then, I don't have any feelings for her because, well, she's ridiculously young for me. Back then, we would annoy each other through Facebook. Then as time passed on, suddenly she seems to be lost from my mind. I never knew what happened, and voila, we are in contact with each other again.

Stage 2. The Chase. Mine is always an epic fail. I have no idea what is wrong with my zodiac or my constellations that I failed each and every one of it. 12 times. I tried to move on to stage 3, that is honeymoon, but the problem is this : she seems to reject me. Will I go back to where it started - as strangers?

Maybe it's just because that I am not matured enough, or it's not my time yet. A lot of people told me that. It's sad to say that my love life has a middle finger for it. Things wouldn't be the same after this. Everything we shared would be fragments of memories. The stranger was the most important person of my life. What a shame.

Wise Words : Friends

2011-02-24T17:56:00.000+08:00

I was asked to be the lector for the Mass which is going to be held tomorrow, and I was given the reading that I shall read by the teacher-in-charge. It is from Ecclesiasticus 6:5-17, and it talks about friends.

Sirach 6:5-17

5 Pleasant speech multiplies friends,

and a gracious tongue multiplies courtesies.

6 Let those who are friendly with you be many,

but let your advisers be one in a thousand.

7 When you gain friends, gain them through testing,

and do not trust them hastily.

8 For there are friends who are such when it suits them,

but they will not stand by you in time of trouble.

9 And there are friends who change into enemies,

and tell of the quarrel to your disgrace.

10 And there are friends who sit at your table,

but they will not stand by you in time of trouble.

11 When you are prosperous, they become your second self,

and lord it over your servants;

12 but if you are brought low, they turn against you,

and hide themselves from you.

13 Keep away from your enemies,

and be on guard with your friends.

14 Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter:

whoever finds one has found a treasure.

15 Faithful friends are beyond price;

no amount can balance their worth.

16 Faithful friends are life-saving medicine;

and those who fear the Lord will find them.

17 Those who fear the Lord direct their friendship aright,

for as they are, so are their neighbors also.

What struck me the most is that this is so true. It is so hard to find good friends nowadays, who will not betray us in the end. I had to face people who betray me, and thinks that I am not good enough to be in their cohort. I am disappointed, and only spiritual help is all I need.

Those Were The Days - 56kbps Internet Connection

2011-02-13T00:10:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, in the near past, fast Internet connection was beyond reach to the average consumer. Everyone had to settle down with that oh-so-slow internet connection and the rates during that era weren't that cheap. In Malaysia, we had a lot of service providers for 56K. I used Jaring and TM 1515 those days.

This was the exact modem that I used that time. It was absolutely noisy, and the speeds were terrible. Loading a 3 minutes video on YouTube takes about 1 hour to complete. People were trying to find a browser that can load websites fast - and Opera comes in mind. It claims to be the fastest browser. It was. Mozilla Firefox and IE were so slow.

I created my first ever e-mail using this connection back in 2004. Finally I am open to an endless world of possibilities.

Come to think of it, it was downright crap. Now I'm using Streamyx with a WiFi modem. I'm just waiting for P1 WiMax to come to my area. :)

Those Were The Days - Brick Game

2011-02-12T23:54:00.000+08:00

I can still remember the days when a particular type of handheld game console were a must-have...

the brick game. It was one of my childhood form of entertainment, long before computers were actually playable, alongside the cartridge video game, which is an affordable means of entertainment. Sony PlayStation was ridiculously expensive, with the price tag of over RM1000.

The brick game was cheap, runs on 2 X AA batteries, and provides long hours of fun, except in a dark area because there was no backlight for the screen.

My 1st brick game was this exact model. It was a hand-me-down from my sister. I saw this one day in my parents' room and I took some batteries from somewhere. That was one of the greatest moments of my life. I pressed the on/off button, and the song chimes from the speakers at the back of the console. I had fun playing Tetris, dodging obstacles on a road, tank, and 23 more games inside (it doesn't have 9999 games).

Life used to be simple those days. There were no Internet, no handphones, and also not so much suicide cases. It was a breeze back then. The world was expecting Y2K but here we are, relaxing ourselves in front of a COMPUTER. Now, we are counting down to 2012. LOLness.

There comes a time when something is considered obsolete. Now, these games are replaced by PSPs, Nintendos and a lot more. What's next? A game console connected to your brain? We'll never know.

Distracted..

2011-02-12T00:58:00.000+08:00

So much work to be done..

Getting distracted is so easy. I used to do so a lot. When I want to do my homework, I would give myself a million reasons to procrastinate doing it and to spend my time on that "horrid" website called Facebook. LAst week, I always slept around 12am, listening to songs, spending my time on Facebook, on my Nokia C3 and also on the laptop.

I can't understand why is Facebook soooo addicting. The moment I logged in to Facebook, I have access to almost 300+ lives. I don't need to be a stalker to know what is happening to one's life. I just need to read their statuses, and analyse what they post. Awesome, right?

But, it's affecting my sleep pattern. I admit that I have a very low level of discipline. I sleep around 12am, then I have to wake up at 5.30am. Although I don't feel tired, the dark circles under my eyes keep increasing. I used some cream but it doesn't work if I keep staring at the computer for long hours.

Hmmm...school. I have my own sifu for my studies, non other than my best friend, Ray "Mad". Don't ask me why I call him "Mad". He's a bit crazy. It's actually fun to learn with a friend rather than seating in your seat trying to absorb the information like a wet sponge. It's so friggin' sleepy that our own Ketua Tidur (KT-monitor) always fall asleep in class.

All and all, my class is downright funny. I can feel almost no stress inside the class. Everyone is the same and no one tries to show off and being cocky about wanting to be in the 1st class. I'm chillin' out in my class. No frills, and I can study at my own pace.

AWESOMENESS!

My Life's Statute

2011-02-10T20:17:00.002+08:00

I gave a long thought about it - of having a statute of my own life. I decree that I shall follow these statute of mine. A statute is actually a rule or guideline for something..

Statute of Zack Aaron

1. Prioritize God, think others later.

2. If someone doesn't give a damn about me, I would not give a damn about the person anymore.

3. Don't ask me why I don't care anymore. Ask yourself why I don't care cause more than likely you are the reason why I stopped caring.

4. If my best isn't enough for you, then enjoy my worst.

5. All you who hate me, it's mind over matter, I don't mind and you don't matter!

6. I try to control my temper. If you tick me off, you'll gonna pray that you didn't tick me off in the first place.

7. I am done with people who knows me at certain times especially if they need help.

8. If no one can accept me, I will show them the door out of my life.

9. I try to respect others' action and decision.

10. If someone is ignoring me, I'll ignore them back.

11. Don't judge me by what you have seen. Remember, you have only seen what I choose you to see.

12. Violence is not the answer, it is an option.

13. Forget treating others as you wish to be treated but treat others the way they treat you.

14. Suicide is not the answer to a failed relationship. Studies are. It keeps my mind off those things.

15. Apologizing isn't always a matter of admitting you're wrong. Sometimes it just means that you value your relationship/friendship more than your ego.

16. Today be blessed, be strong, be beautiful, BE YOU!

17. Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those that matter won't mind, and those that mind, won't matter.

18. Everybody is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

19. Simple words to live by: Don't say you can't if you can. Don't say you do if you don't. Don't say you will if you won't.

20. I may be a hard person to get to know. But once you do get to know me, you'll may never want to be without me.

21. I know I'm strong and EVERYTHING that has happened or is happening will be a lesson to take with me in the future.

22. Don't make those people priority in your life when they keep you as an option in their life!

23. I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that do not work.

24. If you hate me, God loves me. If you gossip about me, God hugs me. If you seek to destroy me, God blesses me. If your jealous of me, God made me.

25. I AM ME! For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

26. Nobody can change me. You can either ACCEPT me, RESPECT me or HATE me. Whatever you choose, it won't phase me.

I must live out my life according to my own statute so that I can define me as myself, and not another person. I hate trying too hard to be someone I am not. If I don't like something, I wouldn't have to bother to beat around the bush. I am the boss of my own life. No one should interfere with what I want to do to succeed in life.

The Pursuit of Becoming A Great Leader

2011-01-19T20:57:00.000+08:00


Great leaders lead others.

I’m a President to 2 small clubs in school, the Formula 1 in Schools Club, and the Smart Brigade. I am nothing compared to someone who is a president to a uniform body or a student body. If compared, my responsibility is only limited to a small group of students, while they need to control more than 50 students from different background, classes and etc.

Although I only need to be responsible over a small club, I had a lot of time in my hands. Meetings only last less than 15 minutes, and I keep things short and concise, as not to bore the students and me myself. Activities are always planned, and so far, I am planning to do some training for a designing programme.

I dislike those who always got carried on with their problems arising from their responsibility as a President. If they had problems inside their club, they should not affect their friends with it. They shouldn’t sulk all day long and insulting others by their remarks about some things. I know the stress from all the hard work, although I never had a hands-on experience on it.

I am really insulted by someone’s remark this morning. I’m not going to divulge into the details. I hope he/she would understand that there is a fine line between work and play, and the problems would not go over the fine line.

Disappointed

2011-01-15T22:32:00.003+08:00

I can’t understand. I am legally 16, eligible to take a motorcycle license after hoping to have one for so long, and now I am denied to take it based on baseless reasons. I wanted to take a bike license so that I can come to school for co-curricular activities and extra classes sometime in the middle of the year. If I can go to school by my own, I would not bother to trouble them to send me and pick me up all the time.

I am dropped at the intersection near the school carrying 15kg worth of education and I had to walk 50 metres to school in the morning and I had to carry my bag all the way to the bus stop 100 metres away while avoiding cars, buses, lorries and trailers hitting me along the way just to have someone pick me up there. Every single day of my secondary life, I’ve been doing that. Wouldn’t it be easier if I just take my bike license, come for road law classes for once, and get an L in less than 1 month? And I only need to pay RM251 for the whole course until I get a pass. Wouldn’t it be easier for all of us?

It’s always the same reason over and over and over and over again. “You must concentrate on your SPM first. When I was at your age, I don’t have a bike license. I know how to drive tractors but I did not take an international license. If you further your studies, you won’t concentrate if you have a bike. Don’t follow others. Their parents don’t care about them. You have us to send and pick you up from school” and a lot more gibberish that I couldn’t care less to listen to.

That story is over 50 years ago! Times have changed! At that particular era, there are no cell phones, computers, or even a TV. Wake up! It’s the 21^st century! You don’t expect me to be same as you are when you are my age. In the near future, my kids won’t have the same experience I have when they are teenagers! The world keeps changing. Nothing ever stayed, and nothing ever stays the same. Even state-of-the-art buildings and appliances at the past era are considered outdated and obsolete in this era! 30 years ago, people dreamt of video calling. Now, it’s a reality.

I don’t even have any freedom to go out and hang with friends for a movie or even a dinner! My circle of friends is only trapped within the compound of my school, and some acquaintances that I know through Facebook. I thirst for that bit of freedom.

I’m a teenager who is going to university next year. I’m not a 5-year-old kid anymore. Please change your mindset and be open-minded for just a bit! Just a little bit! You can’t do this to me! I know my limits! If I were to be a drug addict, I would be addicted by now. Just open your eyes and see that the world is different compared to 50 years ago!

*Gawd. Please Douchelixson 6.0! Don’t torture me with your oh-so-horrible Engrish! I don’t even think your language is even Engrish! I can’t even understand what you are saying sometimes!

Comment if you UNDERSTAND my English.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-26T00:12:00.000+08:00

God bless you, and have a blessed Christmas.

For God so loved the world, He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Hypocrite..

2010-12-21T10:16:00.000+08:00

What is the word "hypocrite"? According to the Princeton WordWeb, hypocrite is defined as "a person who professes beliefs and opinions that he or she does not hold in order to conceal his or her real feelings or motives". To make it simple, "hypocrite" is not doing the things that you preach, or in typical Malaysian style of defining it, "cakap tak serupa bikin".

I encounter these type of people from the moment I wake up till I lay my head on a pillow and doze off. I sometimes wonder, why do these type of people even exist?

This type of people always get onto my veins. Why can't they just look into the mirror and see who they really are? If they are so mighty and powerful, why are they still stuck on Earth having a decent life?

To all hypocrites, GET A LIFE! Stop being a pain to the ass to 6,888,899,999 people living on this world!

Phones...

2010-12-16T00:06:00.000+08:00

Aah...the joy of getting the latest phone after convincing your parents for a while..the joy of holding an iPhone, a Blackberry or an Xperia on your hands...the sense of euphoria going through your veins when you hold your own pride and joy..

Mummy! Zank kiu four dee iPhone!

I can still remeber the first time I held my Nokia 5320 XpressMusic on 6th February 2009 at around 3pm. It was so sleek, with all the awsome functions during that period of time. It was my beloved phone. It never gave up on me although sometimes I gave up on life. It was my true companion in times of need. Funny how I never appreciate it until it's gone forever when it has been labelled "beyond repair".

I never get it. Why are phones nowadays so fragile? I'm now using a Nokia 2600 and it has been in service since 2006. It has been 4 years and the only repair it went for were only changing the buzzer and cleaning the keypad board. That's it.

Gotta be the most awesome phone I've ever had

I also used a Sony Ericsson W580i, Motorola V3i and Nokia 5130 XpressMusic, which aren't mine. The W580i's keypad has malfunction because tiny droplets of water seeped through it, the V3i's screen malfunctioned after the ribbon was damaged after changing the housing and the 5130's CPU went berserk after it fell into a puddle (it wasn't me!).

The Nokia 2600? One word. AWESOME! It fell down onto the ground, got splashed by water and it is still alive! Most phones won't survive that type of ordeal.

Nowadays, mobile phones are jam packed with alot of functions, but it is so fragile that an egg is harder than a phone. LOL. Guess that I need to stick with the Nokia 2600 for a long time.

Reflection..

2010-12-08T01:06:00.000+08:00

I always f*cked up with a lot of things happening in my life. It's high time for me to fix it up. I need to be happy. I don't want to be sad especially with my birthday coming this Saturday and it will be Christmas soon enough. I want to wish that the world is full of happiness this Christmas. No more sadness in all of our face, but an expression of joy, love and peace.

I would be delighted to see the ones who are brokenhearted smiling and laughing their pain away. Shake up the happiness!!!

I seen through all my troubles, with help from fellow commenters Arthur @ suituapui and goldflower86 in my previous posts and some of my friends whom I am lucky to have. I am through with it. My fate with her is sealed. It will never happen - both of us falling in love. Nothing can change that. Maybe she wasn't meant for me. A quote said, "Don't be too sad If you can't be with someone you like. That only means that God have a better plan for you ahead." But I will never know when I am going to love again. Maybe I will enter a period of hiatus to concentrate on my SPM and continue again. LOL. At least tis the season to be jolly.

Retribution...

2010-12-06T00:01:00.001+08:00

To those who I had found and lost...

I can't keep track of how many times I broke my heart. A friend of mine advised me to keep moving on, but I just can't keep myself away from troubles because of my naive heart looking for love.

I know what girls would say if they want to reject anyone. I had too much bitter experience until I can exactly predict what they would say. It would always be ;
I am too old for you, I am not the one for you, there is someone better out there who loves you more than I do, I am not worthy for you, I'm not a good girl, I'm not worth waiting, I am not ready for love, I still want to study, please give me some time to think (which is obviously one of the "softer" ways to say no) and a gazillion more reasons which I forget. But deep in their heart, they feel a sense of euphoria just because someone else is admiring them. I just hate it when girls say those words that shot straight into the heart. And the boys (including me) would feel very guilty of what they say.

It would take a whole hardcover book to list it alphabetically. It seems that the presence of soap operas and dramas made them capable of coming up with something like these.

On the other hand, boys would be the one who would feel remorseful and the ones would say sorry for loving them. I know. I was one of them. The internet is a great place for looking up quotes and how to say sorry. Even the ones who is not so proficient in English managed to "come up" with such great quotes that seems to amaze everyone. But what the things that the boys say, whether true or false, would be suicidal.Sometimes, it's better just to remain silent. And after a streak of unsuccessful attempts, the ~~target~~ love is eventually shifted with such great hope to find the One.

And on Facebook, there will be an infinity of heartbroken quotes quoted from some websites or maybe Twitter (which I usually do) and normally aimed to the girl. Some get a torrent of comments, some not even a single "like". Some even take it to the extreme. They start a war of boys and girls hating and cursing each other.

To be frank, I am sick of repeating all of this every single time of my life. I want to live life to the fullest. No more dreaming. I want to see the world as others do. I want to get over my secondary education, get into uni, and I'm out in the open world. But what is love without the pain to go along? Alas, pain has become a cliche for me. I am immune to it already. Bah humbug.

Peace out.

Home...

2010-12-05T23:18:00.000+08:00

I am finally back home after around 2 weeks going places and broaden my knowledge and experience of the world. I went to Kota Kinabalu and Kundasang for a week...

Kota Kinabalu

Snorkeling at Pulau Manukan


Zen Garden, Kundasang

and I also went to Bakun....

Bakun Dam

But in all this hype, I felt homesick. I yearn for the safety and comfort of my own home...alas, I am here.

Bang Bang - K'naan

2010-12-05T22:35:00.000+08:00

She shot me, she shot me,
Bang, bang… she shot me. (x3)
She shot me, she shot me,
Bang, bang. (Get out the way, yo)

(Verse 1)

Ahh… there she goes again,
The girl is Ethiopian.
In other words, she came through explodin’
In the podium, dynamite
Napoleon like sodium mixed with petroleum,
Slowly but surely, she was walking toward me
Cut the convo short ‘cause she had to wake up early,
But continuing the story,
Don’t worry she gave me digits for her Blackberry
“You’re very handsome” is what she said.
And the way she looked in my eyes said “Put me to bed.”

(Pre-chorus)

Oh my, oh my, I should have known when she said to me on the phone:
“You do not know me very well, but I would never hurt a fly.”
Then she aimed at my chest with love in her eye.
I said she aimed at my chest with love in her eye.

(Chorus)

Adam Levine:
She was walkin’ around with a loaded shotgun
Ready to fire me a hot one.
It went bang, bang, bang…
Straight through my heart. (Straight through my heart)
Although I could have walked away,
I stood my ground and let her spray.

K’naan:
She shot me, she shot me
Bang ,bang… she shot me (x3)
She shot me, she shot me
Bang, bang.

(Verse 2)

Scorpion,
She’s so hot she’s a scorch-ian,
Killing me softly,
Lauryn or Kevorkian,
Couldn’t tell if she’s coo-coo or corky, when
I asked her her name she said “Call me Ten.”
Testing, testing
Things just got more interesting
She’s dressed in a vest pin, double-breasted holster,
A very Western toaster,
She ain’t nothing Kosher.
Ah… she lets me closer.
Hotter than a pepper-crusted Samosa
While I try to keep my composure.

(Chorus)

(Bridge)

Am I wrong?
But what is love without the pain to go along?
And what is pain if not the reason for me to sing this song?
And this song is for the weak and for the strong.
Cause I was strong and still…
She got me, she got me,
Bang, bang… she got me.
She got me, she got me,
Bang, bang.

(Chorus)

If I am a Trillionaire..

2010-11-08T22:04:00.000+08:00

"I wanna be a billionaire so freaking/fucking bad, buying all the things I never had.." But I want to be a trillionaire. Maybe I'll strike the lottery, or be a drug cartel, or be one of the Mafia's or being one of the Syiekhs in Dubai. Then I can be filthy rich.

If I am that rich, I would buy myself a customized Airbus A380.

And a Maybach 62,

a Rolls-Royce Phantom,

my own private island with an airstrip that an A380 can land on,

and my own chain of hotels.

Peace out.

P.S: The heatwaves is getting in my brain.

The XX Factor..

2010-10-24T21:37:00.000+08:00

Now, now, if some of you were thinking that I forgot to put another X in the title, well, I have nothing to say about it. I'm talking about girls. Yup. XX chromosomes. I guess some of you know it, probably from CSI or Biology. When there is friendship between a single guy and a single girl, there is a possibility (50:50) that they will be attracted to each other in some way or another. It then blossomed up as a relationship.

I had lost track of how many tries I had and how it end up down the longkang.

She is a very nice girl. She tries to make time for me even though I kinda knew deep inside that she wasn't interested in me romantically. I just had a heart to heart text with her a few months ago and she told me that she can't see me as anything except a friend.

I think the problem with me is that I have approached the entire enterprise the wrong way from the start. I went the romantic route, which didn't work very well. I didn't want to play her. Thus, I might have come across as too desperate.

BTW, in case you didn't know, girls can smell desperation from a mile (or two) away. (!!!)

One of my friends asked me a question that was so obvious it would be the size of the Great Pyramids of Giza if I was not blinded by love:

Has she ever initiated conversation with you?

The answer is no! I have always been the one to call, text and chat with her. I knew it, and I willfully ignored it. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Friends..

2010-10-24T21:07:00.000+08:00

Any resemblance?

What are friends? Who are they? What do they contribute to your life? Why are they your friends? How did they become your friends? These are the 5 "WH" questions that you will ask yourself some point of your life.

I couldn't understand why some of my friends forgot about my existance instantly after the reshuffle of class were done. Is it their mindset that when someone is out of your radius, then they are a stranger? These kind of people, it is too great to call them friends. They are just mere acquaintance.

I'm dedicating this post to my friends Eusebius, Kenneth, Sean, Raymond, Claudio and a few others who know me too well and was, is and will be there for me if I need a helping hand. Thank you guys. I would trade anything or lose anything if it means saving a great friendship like ours.

I have a very unstable mood and they know it very well. I can be very happy, and when they know it, I just become silent. That is how I can manage through school life. Because of friends like these.

I also would like to dedicate this post to my altarserver friends, Ivan, Anthony, Christopher, Michael, Preston, Jonathan, Marcus and few others who had helped me since I joined the altarservers a few months ago.

Thanks all. I end this post with a quote,

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend."

God bless.

Down the drain.....

2010-10-23T23:14:00.000+08:00

I feel that I am down the drain. The world is collapsing on me. I tell the coldest stories anyone has ever told.

I realised that I am no one....

Exhausted (2)..

2010-10-21T17:09:00.001+08:00

I'm "exhausted'. Get it?

I'm exhausted again today. And bored too. But I managed to achieve a great feat today.

Form 4 students are sitting for their Prinsip Perakauan (Accounting Principles) the whole day. As I dropped that boring subject, I did not take the exam. But I have to come to school or else. IT WAS SO FRIGGIN BORING! 5 hours doing nothing, just revising Chemistry made me nausea. Great.

And I proudly announce that the Formula 1 room has moved! We moved most of the things yesterday, and we managed to move the tracks (yes, the runway tracks), and the 116kg (yes, kg, as in kilogram) Denford CNC Router machine to the Living Skills room!

Denford Compact 1000 CNC Router

They call it compact, but it is as heavy as a car! And one thing's for sure, our machine is rendered useless. The motherboard went cuckoo and RM20,000 is needed to repair it. Great.

Tomorrow's the day I've been waiting for. The annual general gathering for PRS, SPBT, PPS and MPPKO-K. The spotlight. The audience. The FOOD! I'm the master of ceremony for the night. Haha.

Peace out.

Exhausted..

2010-10-20T20:56:00.000+08:00

I am fairly exhausted. I'm tired with school, life and love. Everything is in a mess. My head, my room, everything.

School. Today, after school ends, my friends and I had to move 5 CPU's, 2 CRT monitors and 3 LCD monitors to the Physics lab which is on level 3 at a nearby block. Then, we had to move 2 large steel cabinets, 5 computer tables, a windtunnel and a lot of boxes filled with "something" to the "new" F1 room which is so small and is shared with the Robotics club. Great. Thankfully there were around 6 of us and we managed to move all the things in less than 2 hours.

Life. Exams until the 2nd last week of the schooling year. Darned tired. Never bother to really study about it. My room is in a mess. Books, clothes and computer accesories - batteries, adaptors, mouse, cooling fan, laptop bag - you name it. It's everywhere. I can't find 2 of my white shirts. Sheesh. And I keep getting headaches on and off these few days.

Love. Tossed, baked, burned, roasted, fried, you name it. My heart is shattered into millions of tiny particles. I hate to tell this stupid story over and over and over and over. I created my own chemical/mathematical equation. Me= ∞. Infinity is the number of girls who will reject me, despise me and hate me (not including my family). I have a statement to make. I shall leave her alone. I am not the guy for her. Don't bother yourself looking for me. I'll bless the one who is going to be your man.

Peace out.

Killing a Nokia 5320 1-0-1

2010-10-12T17:22:00.000+08:00

In this post, I'm going to describe how I killed my Nokia 5320 XpressMusic back in May. I'm going to describe it step by step. Haha.

1. Full charge your phone.

2. Put inside the pocket of any trousers that you want to wash later.

3. Throw the pants into the washing machine with other clothes.

4. Add some detergent and softener to clean and make the phone fragrant.

5. Let it finish its wash, rinse and spin cycle.

6. Take the phone out of the pocket.

7. Take another battery and juice it up.

8. Let it turn on and produce a hissing sound.

9. Open everything up.

10. Go sober and feel sad about losing a good handphone.

With these ten easy steps, you CAN actually kill a Nokia 5320 XpressMusic!

Bintulu International Kite Festival

2010-09-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

"Keep 30th September to 3rd October, 2010 in your diary as the time when you must be in Bintulu, Sarawak to see some of the most colourful, intriguing and strange looking kites from around the world. This annual event that started in 2005 has ranked as the most spectacular event of its kind in the state and together with the cultural and artiste performances, it showcases the rich combination of local and international flavours for all to experience and enjoy.
Come and see the national kite competition as well as the traditional kite-making event while children will get the chance to colour their way to prizes in the colouring contest. Stunt kites performances will be conducted by international participants as well as many distinct and creative kites will be on display. The “Rokaku” challenge will also be held amidst the Bintulu Trade and Food fair at the same venue which is right in the middle of the town! This is one event where age knows no bound as yound and old alike will be mesmerized by the shows on display.
See you on from 30th September to 3rd October, 2010. THANKS."

Hey people! This year, I'll be leaving for Bintulu tomorrow to attend the Bintulu International Kite Festival! Spot me there! I'll wear a pink / white shirt with shorts, cap and sunnies! I can't wait! There is only 16 hours left before I arrive in Bintulu!

Reflection on Luke 16 : 19-31

2010-09-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

Luke 16: 19 - 31
19	"There was a rich man, who was clothed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day.
20	And at his gate lay a poor man named Laz'arus, full of sores,
21	who desired to be fed with what fell from the rich man's table; moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.
22	The poor man died and was carried by the angels to Abraham's bosom. The rich man also died and was buried;
23	and in Hades, being in torment, he lifted up his eyes, and saw Abraham far off and Laz'arus in his bosom.
24	And he called out, `Father Abraham, have mercy upon me, and send Laz'arus to dip the end of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in anguish in this flame.'
25	But Abraham said, `Son, remember that you in your lifetime received your good things, and Laz'arus in like manner evil things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in anguish.
26	And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, in order that those who would pass from here to you may not be able, and none may cross from there to us.'
27	And he said, `Then I beg you, father, to send him to my father's house,
28	for I have five brothers, so that he may warn them, lest they also come into this place of torment.'
29	But Abraham said, `They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.'
30	And he said, `No, father Abraham; but if some one goes to them from the dead, they will repent.'
31	He said to him, `If they do not hear Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced if some one should rise from the dead.'"

Death is not a suitable word to put into context to describe Lazarus's state of life. It is like a redemption to all the sufferings he had undergo on earth. Christ shows, that a man may have a great deal of the wealth, pomp, and pleasure of this world, yet perish for ever under God's wrath and curse. The sin of this rich man was his providing for himself only. Here is an affluent citizen, on whose fair fame the breath of scandal can fix no blot. He had a large portion in this world, and did not seek--did not desire--any other. He spent his wealth in pleasing himself, and did not lay it out in serving God or helping man. The greatest deception is that people start to believe they are owed a privileged status. They actually think they are exceptional and believe that they have become more valuable because they have more valuables.

Missing in Action..

2010-09-25T02:05:00.000+08:00

Where did I go?

I've been missing again. I'm busy with a lot of things. Piling homeworks, F1 website, housework, and more things that keep stealing my time to blog, even a little bit.

I finally changed my modem to a wireless modem, thanks to the Streamyx modem breathe its last on Monday. I got a new TP-Link TD-W8901G wireless modem router, which enables me to use the internet connection anywhere in the house. With 54Mbps, I can get easily less than 100 ping for my Garena. I just keep smiling with the lesser lag gameplay.

Back with my never-ending love story, let's just say that I now proclaim that I am lunatic because of this. I heard from one of my ex-best friend, that she said that I am trying very hard to avoid her and that I went cold.

Okay, first point. I am trying very hard to avoid her. Who's avoiding who actually? Me or her? I couldn't avoid her because there is nothing to be avoided! She doesn't text me, nor comment on my Facebook, or even online. I know that she is a very busy girl. That's why I just keep silent. And she said that her keypad's broke. There is no point of me texting her without any reply and end up considered as harassing her.

Next point. I've gone cold. No way Jose! I'm still my old me, enjoying a bit of everything of life. I rediscovered myself during the hiatus process. I realised that even though the mutual feeling is there, I should not rush to have a girlfriend and I should concentrate on my studies. But, as the hiatus effect wears down, I start to long for a girlfriend. I must be losing my marbles.

I couldn't explain the feeling of me on her. I tried to view it from a different perspective. I'm not that desperate, really. I'm not kidding. I thought that I forgot her totally until my ex-best friend told me that she is searching for me. Being a gentleman that I am, I texted her as soon as I got home and rectify the whole situation. It's been 3 weeks since I went low. 1st week was the exam week, 2nd week was the holidays and the 3rd week is the homework week. That's why I couldn't catch up with some things of my life.

What would I do without her? I have 3 paths in my immediate life - to chase her, to look for another or to stay single. I have no idea which part I should choose. I rather take the road less travelled. At least I paved a way for others to tread on.

What would I do when the best part of me was always her? What would I say when I'm all choked up that you're okay? They say things happen for a reason. But no wise words will stop the pain in my heart.

Peace out. (Should I not say that?)

Who Says You Can't Go Home?

2010-09-18T01:58:00.000+08:00

I spent twenty years trying to get out of this place
I was looking for something I couldn't replace
I was running away from the only thing I've ever known
Like a blind dog without a bone
I was a gypsy lost in the twilight zone
I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold

I been there, done that
But I ain't looking back on the seeds I've sown
Saving dimes spending too much time on the telephone
Who says you can't go home

Who says you can't go home
There's only one place they call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy born a rolling stone
Who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go back
I been all around the world and as a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go
Who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright

I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face
There isn't one of these lines that I would erase
I lived a million miles of memories on that road
With every step I take I know that I'm not alone
You take the home from the boy
But not the boy from his home
These are my streets, the only life I've ever known
Who says you can't go home

Who says you can't go home
There's only one place they call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy born a rolling stone
Who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go home
I been all around the world and as a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go
Who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Who says you can't go home

I been there, done that and I ain't looking back
It's been a long, long road
Feels like I never left, that's how the story goes

It doesn't matter where you are, It doesn't matter where you go
If it's a million miles away or just ten miles up the road
Take it in , Take it with you when you go
Who says you can't go home?

εικόνα

2010-09-18T01:48:00.000+08:00

A picture is worth a thousand words

I bet most of you are confused what does εικόνα means. It means "picture" in Greek. Ah, the wonders of Google Translate!

This is an edited photo of me with my cousin at the Sarawak State Museum. It looks quite decent, for the fact that I tried too hard to age the photo. But digital aging is not as authentic as physical aging.

I love taking photos. I have a passion for photography. Photos capture the essence of life - the natural movement of a person, the details on the things in it and lots more.

It's been so long..

2010-09-18T01:11:00.000+08:00

Longing for my presence..

It has been 17 days since I checked out my blog and update on my life. I am depressed lately. Life's never been rainbows with a pot of gold at the end of it. It's just a rainy day.

I realised that I am in a society that demands me to be part of them and understand what they say and often how hard I try, the language that they speak seems alien to me. In my world, almost everyone is using that language and I am the minority in the society. Life has been hard. I feel like talking to an animal because none of us understand what each other is trying to say.

I really regretted not moving to MRSM when I was given the chance. Life's been hard since my best friend moved there to continue his studies. He has been a brother to me. He helped me in times of trouble, been my supporter in my studies, and a lot of things that surely I thank for and I hope his reward in Heaven will be great. Now, my friends seems to have their personal agenda by hanging around with me. One of them shot me by saying, "You are just someone in this society because you stand out from all others. We are someone in the society because we have interpersonal skills, we earned what we reap for the last 4 years and we have leadership capabilities. We are better than you."

I tried to keep mum because I remembered the verse from Matthew 23:12. "For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted." I just nodded and left. I do not want a commotion to happen over some statements by some ignorant people. These type of people often spark the sense of dissatisfaction among themselves.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

To kill my time, I started reading short stories about Sherlock Holmes. I came to like him after I watched the movie Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock. It was truly a good movie.

Well, I think that this is the end of my rants for this post. I shall come back when I have the time. Or the internet connection. The wireless connection is now history. And I have to fight over one Streamyx line.

Wrong Move?

2010-08-31T01:11:00.000+08:00


Checkmate. Results from a wrong move.

I think I have made a wrong move by getting back to the past. I lost contact with her and hid myself since February and I think that I last contacted her on her birthday in May before forgetting her completely. Not completely. I think I'm exaggerating things by saying I forgot her completely.

Yesterday, as I was chatting with my old friend back from the Info Hunt competition last year, he added her into the conversation on MSN. I was dumbfounded. I couldn't find the right words to say. I had that sense of hatred to her buried deep down into me. I had to act quick. Time for Plan B.

Plan B is literally being the normal person I always be - sarcastic, terrible sense of humor, twisting sentences. That is Plan B.

Then, I acted without thinking. I added her on MSN. Although this may sound dumb, but that is the gateway for her to contact me. I'm dead meat. I just add her back for friend's sake. Not more than that.

31st August. I'm not celebrating. I'm celebrating 16th September.

Lost....

2010-08-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

Have you ever feel that you are lost and alone? Do you feel that you are hard to reach? Or maybe when you come to a place, then everybody looks at you, then turn their heads away as if you are unwanted?

You enter the tunnel. It is a foggy day. All you can see are the flickering lights that is waiting to blow out. The intoxicating smell invites you. You stand stood, thinking why did you enter the tunnel in the first place. This is the last time you crawl away on broken knees. And don't you wish it all would be okay? But as you go further inside, all you can see is darkness. The sound that you can hear is the sound of water dripping from the walls.

Your life starts to flash before you.

There is no turning back. You can just keep moving forward. Whether you like it or not.

Reasons Why I NEED to Buy A New Phone

2010-08-10T21:35:00.000+08:00

If you want something, it is not necessary to have it. If you need something, you must have it to complete or should I say "continue living". That is a very strong word if you put it into context.

I NEED a new phone. That V3i is giving me a headache. Literally. It has gazillion of problems at any given time. Here are some reasons why I NEED a new phone.

1. The backplate is lost and the data in the memory card (songs, pictures, videos) are lost. It just went poof and I could not find it.

2. The USB port is kapoot. I can't access the phone by connecting it through USB.

3. The screen is cracked and the LCD screen is blank.

Some of the bugs are not mentioned here because I am sick. Fever.

Insane

2010-08-09T19:29:00.000+08:00

I am mad. I have an issue with anger management, I always feeling depressed, and I just couldn't leave my past behind. It is always about a girl if it comes to my problems. My emotion is not stable. I could cry alone, just laugh and start cursing.

I am actually sad. This is the worst I ever had. I just couldn't accept the truth. Last time, it was a breeze. But now, it's hard.

Nevertheless, I am still alive. Thankfully, I never had any thoughts of suicide. Except the constant sadness, it's normal. I wonder why I am having such pain in my heart. Literally. I had difficulty breathing because the muscles surrounding the heart and lungs suddenly becomes tense.

And oh yeah, I started to wear my glasses. I really hate it, but I have to. My vision got blurry after long hours playing Need For Speed Undercover. I can say that Undercover sucks. The police is too easy to defeat. The races sucks. It is weird when a Audi TT Quattro can defeat a Lamborghini Gallarado and Murcielago. Lamborghini are supercars!

Just some rants of my life...

Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

2010-08-08T19:26:00.000+08:00

I intended to post another Youtube video with the lyrics for this post. But, I had something to get off from my chest. It's hurting me so much that I am not sure whether I am in torment or anguish.

It's about her. Why is she trying so much to avoid me? When I sms-ed her, it seems that I can say that I'm waiting for the Sahara to snow when I'm waiting for her to reply me.

I went to church this morning, alone. I went for confession, catechism class and Guild of St. Stephen meeting. I'm joining the altarservers. LOL.

During mass, guess who sat at my back. Well, no prize for guessing though, it was her. I think she did not notice it was me until the homily. Apparently, someone threw a toy at my bench, and I took it and gave it back to the child. When I turned to my back, she also turned at her back. But I know it was her.

After a while, she just went up.

BSMM duty. I know because one of the new altarservers were wearing a white trousers with BSMM belt.....

Bad Day

2010-08-07T14:34:00.000+08:00

This is one of my worst days of this year, and the year has not end.

This morning, we had our English quiz orgainsed by the Borneo Post. The grand prize was RM300 cash and a year's subscription of The Borneo Post worth RM312. My teacher told me about it last month and I jumped into the opportunity.

My plan was ; get RM300 from the quiz, take my RM200 from my incentive by Yayasan Sarawak for obtaining excellent result in PMR and use my RM100 worth of pocket money to buy myself a Nokia 5530 XpressMusic.

I really wanted this phone because the V3i is falling to bits and my Nokia 2300 is extremely hard to press.

But all hope is lost when the results were out. My name wasn't mentioned. I've lost.

I went home, disappointed. I didn't say a word during the journey back home.

I just wanted that phone. It's all I need for now. No one wants to buy it for me. But all hope is lost.

I prayed so hard so that God will let me win..but it seems no one's home. My prayers are answered by an answering machine.

This year, 2010, is the worst year of my life. I lost so much and suffered great anguish. There is no end to this.

Irritated..

2010-08-04T19:10:00.000+08:00

I missed the days when Facebook looked like Twitter. There are only wall posts. No games, no annoying quizzes, no pages that demand you to do a "survey", but only wall posts.

I also hate the ever-changing relationship status of some people. From single to in a relationship, to married and end up widowed in less than 3 days.

What's the point of having it? Although it's fun for some, it may be irritating for others. Because the notifications just pollute the whole wall.

Period.

White...

2010-08-03T17:52:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder, why white coloured clothes are so nice to wear but difficult to be cleaned if there is a stain on it?

My school shirt and trousers are white. So, during Physical Education, I had to use my white pants to do push ups, sit ups and other things that will sure stain my trousers.

Sheesh.

Every cloud has a silver lining....

2010-08-03T17:46:00.000+08:00

In our daily life, we have its ups and downs. I had the worst day in this month yesterday. But today, it turned out great.

My first period was Biology. It was just pure fun studying it now. Then came Additional Mathematics. The teacher did not check our homework (because I had not finished it). And, the best part is, we did not have Physics!

I hope this day gets more better..

A Tale Of Unfortunate Events

2010-08-02T23:09:00.000+08:00

I had a streak of bad luck since Sunday. I lost my Nokia 2600 while at church on Sunday. I think it slipped out of my mind that I brought a phone and it probably slipped out of my pocket. Although it is cheap, it's been my primary alarm clock and my constant companion bearing my Hotlink number. I called Maxis to suspend the line and I was asked to go to the nearest Maxis branch to get a new SIM card. Troublesome.

On Monday, I had my worst nightmare at the 1st period because it was Chemistry. I had to endure agony for 2 periods (1 1/3 hours) studying Chemistry because the subject itself was too hard. Then, during Mathematics topical exam, we had to score 18 out of 20 marks and above. If not, we have to do correction for all the questions. Next come the last part. Physics. The teacher seemed stressed by her expression and we suffered her agony. She seemed very strict and scary.

Next come the worst part. After she went back from camp, it seems like that she is giving me the cold shoulder. My SMSes are often unreplied, and it seems that she is always busy. Last time, she tried her best to reply my SMS but now, it seems that our friendship went cold. What happened? Maybe I did something wrong that I did not realise?

I'm just a normal kid with big dreams. And it seems that my life is going nowhere. These big city dreams that I talked about is just dreams on a ceramic plate - it's going to be broken anyway.

Tu que estas en alto cielo, echame tu bendiciòn...

2010-07-25T18:38:00.001+08:00

In my last post, I mentioned about this sentence. "Tu que estas en alto cielo, echame tu bendiciòn..." which means "You that's in a higher place, send me down a blessing".

I heard this sentence from the song Heaven by Los Lonely Boys. It's such a meaningful sentence.

In an unrelated topic, when someone said that their heart is broken or shattered, it has 2 different meanings. When a glass is broken, you can just clean up the pieces and move on with your life. No fragments will be left there. When a glass is shattered, the glass is shattered into millions of tiny fragments. Cleaning up is futile because the small fragments are still there. Until forever.

Your heart is like a glass.When your heart is broken, you just need time to heal up your emotional wounds and move on with life. When your heart is shattered, even though time passes by, you will still have the memories, mostly painful, for the rest of your life.

How is your heart now?

Love At First Sight

2010-07-23T21:23:00.000+08:00

I've been talking about love at first sight last time in one of my post in November and it end up with me getting heartbroken. I made the wrong decision of rushing and I suffered the consequences.

I thought I found the perfect girl. I wouldn't say that she's pretty that she make heads turn, but she is definitely attractive in my eyes. She is in Form 4, and she excels in her studies. She is one of the top students in the school, having a high post in one of the uniform body and student councils. I just thought, maybe, just maybe, she is a blessing that was sent to me. The Bishop once told during his homily that the young generations, especially the teenagers, to seek help from God to find the right partner.

If and only if we were meant to be with each other, there will be signs to tell.

I dreamt of her a few times when I was in Slumberland. People say that dreams can mean something. I was hoping, maybe, just maybe, she is the one. Once, she just disappear from my life for 2 days. I was brokenhearted and I wanted to deactivate my Facebook. But it seems that the deactivate page cannot be accessed until the moment when she smsed me. Is this divine intervention?

I tried to be more mature. I thought, no more nonsense. I have to get my priorities straight. Studies and love can mix, if both party are studying the same thing.

I ponder upon myself, maybe both of us can be supportive of one another.

I picked the leftover hope that I had in me, and I proposed to her. She said that she is sorry that she is not the one for me. I won't give up hope, but it seems that all hope is lost.

Maybe it's the right time for miracles. I had my own miracle in my studies, now it's my turn that this is it.

Tu que estas en alto cielo, echame tu bendiciòn... (You that's in a higher place, send me down a blessing).

Opinion on Class Reshuffle Reply

2010-07-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

Finally I got a reply from the Principal about the class reshuffle....it was a tense moment thinking that I sent it to the wrong e-mail...here it goes!

Dear Aaron,
Thanks for your opinion. Your opinion will be brought up in the coming meeting next week.
Vincent

Hopefully the class reshuffle is canceled!!

An E-mail to The Principal

2010-07-09T22:14:00.000+08:00

Dear Sir,

First of all, I would like to say that I am utterly disappointed with the school's decision to reshuffle the class based on the 2nd School Exam. For me, this is an outrageous system that is used to put the excellent students in one class and the not-so-fortunate ones in another class.

Firstly, the time-frame of deciding to do this reshuffle is not suitable as students have adapt to the new surroundings and new teachers. If the students are reshuffled, they need to reset their mind and they need time to adapt to new surroundings, new teachers and new classmates.

Secondly, there is no rational of locating all the best students in one class. There is no balance of the level of students in one class. If a class has a mix of excellent students and best students, the best students can strive to stand tall as their excellent counterparts. The school might have predicted that the rule can't be implemented if students are involved in the decision making but again, if the school want to change it for good, then the school should explain and convince the new rule, otherwise students will act more rebellious.

Thirdly, the class reshuffle destroys the strong bond between classmates to strive for the better. If the reshuffle is not done at the middle of the year, every class student can make a hard bond between each other, and helping each other to make the class unite as a platoon going for war.

I personally think reshuffling the class every year is fine. But please do it during the end of the year.

I hope that the school management board can reconsider the decision of reshuffling the class before it's too late. I am sorry for any rude statements that I make in this e-mail. Thank you.

My Escapade : Dalat

2010-06-28T20:54:00.000+08:00

This is why I am reluctant to leave Dalat. The peace and tranquility that you can't get anywhere in town.

The river is so inviting, calling all to enjoy its calm waters.

Yum. Roasted meat.

Pop Quiz: A leg or an arm?

Pictures are worth a thousand words, so I let the pictures explain themselves.

St. Bernard's Church, Dalat

2010-06-27T18:18:00.000+08:00

This is St. Bernard's Church, located by the Oya River in Dalat, about an hour drive from Mukah town.

The pioneer priest of this church is Rev. Fr. Bernard Mulder, and hence, the name St. Bernard's Church came about.

This is the gateway that welcomes visitors that came by boat. Church By The River.

The statue of Mother Mary in a grotto nearby.

Boats parking in front of the church.

Forward to the Future

2010-06-14T00:16:00.000+08:00

What do I want to be and I want to have in the future?

I want to be the top neurosurgeon in Malaysia or a petrochemical engineer working with Shell or Petronas.

The crazy doctor or an engineer?

I would go to work with a BMW 5 Series or a sporty Aston Martin V12 Vanquish. Then all eyes will stare at me and the trip from Kuching-Miri will be a breeze, literally.

This surely will make heads turn. "Sweet! Totally."

My house would be a bungalow situated in Sibu, with the outside landscaped to a beauty and the house equipped with security features.

Enough for me!

My living room will be equipped with a 50" LCD TV, with Altec Lansing sound system complete with a PC and a PS3 connected to the TV.

To fulfill my dreams, I need to work hard now. I must struggle to be the best that I can push myself. Then I can enjoy finer things in life. Start now! Enough procrastinating!

Everybody Knows...

2010-06-10T08:35:00.002+08:00

It gets harder every day, but I cant seem to shake the pain
I'm trying to find the words to say, please stay
Its written all over my face, I can't
Function the same when you're not here
I'm calling your name but no one's there
And I hope one day you'll see nobody has it easy,
I still cant believe you found somebody new
But I wish you the best, I guess.
Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
We've heard it all before, that everybody knows
Just how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try
One more try
One more try
'Cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows

I don't care what the people say
They brought it all in anyway
Baby don't fill up your head with he-said, she-said
It seems like you just don't know
The radios on, you're tuning me out,
I'm trying to speak, you're turning me down

And I hope one day you'll see nobody has it easy,
I still cant believe you found somebody new
But I wish you the best, I guess.
Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
Weve heard it all before, that everybody knows
Just how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try
One more try
One more try
One more try
Cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows

Oh I wish youd understand
Oh, just an ordinary man
Wish that we had known
Everybody knows, but nobody really knows
And I know one day youll see, nobody has it easy
I still cant believe you found somebody new
I wish you the best, I guess.

Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
Weve heard it all before, that everybody knows
Just how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try
One more try
One more try
One more try
Cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows

Heaven on Earth

2010-06-10T08:29:00.000+08:00

It's been 10 days since I wrote something on this blog. I've been away for the past few days to go back to my dad's hometown, Dalat.

It's changed a lot since I went there last year. This picture is still outdated. The old shophouses are demolished, the market is demolished to make way for an esplanade, and there are a lot of new shophouses near "the tree".

Boats like these links some of the villages with the town but nowadays these villages are connected by a trunk road. My dad's village is in Kampung Medong, 7km from Dalat town. I enjoyed living there.

I got to swim in the river, although this picture is only for decoration. The Oya River is very murky, nothing compared to this.

It was an enjoyable moment. But, if you are going there by land, beware. The road linking Mukah to the outside worls is still under construction and this road has been dubbed "buffalo road".